The Secret Diary of a Thirtysomething

And that was Saturday

2010-10-16T20:27:00.000-07:00

This post was intended for Facebook but apparently it's too long so...

Highlights of my day in no particular order.

1. Watching my daughter play softball.

2. Washing the car with my son.

3. Watching Haley make Rice Crispie treats with the kids.

4. Watching the Rangers beat that other team with my son.

5. Dancing with my daughter in the kitchen after dinner.

6. Reading (very theatrically) the story of Daniel and the Lions, with

the kids at bed time.

7. Emily's random statements.

8. Ben's laughter.

9. Haley's smile.

10. Realizing that my life is very good and I have a lot to live for. :)

Strength

2010-04-12T12:11:00.000-07:00

I was walking back to my office after lunch and encountered a group of guys talking in the hallway. It's a long, open hallway and it was pretty obvious that I was approaching. One guy in particular was blocking my path and as I approached he looked up, glance at me and didn't move an inch.

Now you know those moments when you encounter behavior so clearly rude that you don't know what to say so you just go with it? This was one of those. I awkwardly squeezed past him and went on my way.

About 20 minutes later I happened to encounter Mr. Rude in the restroom. While standing next to him at the urinal, my first thought was to pee on his leg and rudely walk away without saying a word. But I didn't. I finished up slightly ahead of him, got to the sinks and saw a golden opportunity for payback. If I could remain ahead of him at the hand towels and get to the door just slighlty before he did, I could let the door swing back right in his face. Awesome.

The plan was unfolding nicely and as I gleefully approached the door with Mr. Rude a step behind, ready to teach him a big old lesson, Gill entered my head. I remembered telling my mum what I wanted to do to all those people who were telling lies about me during the pain that was 2008, And how I would make them pay. I remebered my mum saying to me, "Jonathan, we're better than that."

Now my dear mother was not stating that we as a family are better than anyone. No. I'm quite sure she was reminding me of a principle I first learned a long time ago as a child in Sunday School...

In the Sermon on the Mount in the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus says:

You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.' But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.
- Matthew 5:38-42, NIV

Now for a long time this always struck me as the Idiot's Guide to Being a Doormat.

It's not.

Quite the opposite, this is true strength. A strength which says, I am so confident in who I am, who made me and where I'm going, that your words, your lies, your opinions cannot even come close to hurting or derailing me. Your blows are more like a tickle, come on give me another, it doesn't even hurt. Take my coat because "stuff" is not where I find my value, do you want my pants too? Sue me, slander me, do what you will. In other words...Bring It.

And that ladies and gentlemen is just one more lesson it's taken me a lifetime to learn.

By the way Mr. Rude lives to fight another day. I held the door open for him.

God Bless Texas

2010-04-07T06:51:00.001-07:00

First of all let me apologize to my giant fan base for not having blessed you with my drivel for about 3 months now. Life has definitely been going through a transition, a good one that is.

I was driving down the highway to work this morning, looking at the sun coming up across the vast, flat expanse of Texas country, when it dawned on me that this place isn't all that bad.

So after close to 5 years of living here, I'm proud to list my...

Top 10 things I love about Texas (hold your applause until the end please)

10. I can go without a jacket for about 8 months of the year

9. People don't think you're weird for going to church

8. The sun shines A LOT

7. Basic manners are taught to and expected of children

6. No state tax

5. Most neighborhoods have a fantastic sense of community

4. People drive like New Yorkers

3. People possess a tremendous amount of state pride

2. The cost of living and housing is a lot less than other areas of the country

1. It's fun to see cowboys walking around the mall

I love my kids

2010-01-04T18:00:00.000-08:00

My kids just left. The house is eerily quiet but my son left me something amazing.

Let me preface this by saying that Ben isn't really prone to much in the way of displays of emotion. He's the kind of kid that hugs you by kind of leaning against you most of the time but doesn't often fully commit to the squeeze. In fact I would say that of my two children Ben is the one who I engage in the most "robust dialogue"with by a mile, mainly because he's a lot like me.

He left me a letter on the kitchen counter. It reads...

Jan. 4th 2009

Dear Daddy,

I am so happy I want to jump off the talest skyscraper in the world. (litterley)

I'm feeling very, really, hiper. So can you build a "hiper house".

THANKS!!! FOR!!!Building my house!!! Love ya!

LOVE: Ben

I'm wrecked. I'm destroyed. What a kid.

It's almost Christmas

2009-12-28T08:45:00.000-08:00

Most of us could compose a long list of those memorable quotes we pick up along the way throughout our journey. Things like, "It's better to give than receive" or "It's not whether you win or lose it's how you play the game". You know the kind of thing.

However from my experience there are only a few definable moments in life when these quotes make the 12 inch journey from head to heart and actually become real.

I'm having one of those moments today.

I've heard all of my life that Christmas isn't about the presents and the food and the 24 hours of A Christmas Story on TBS. I've heard all of my life that Christmas is about family and that's taken 36 years and a set of circumstances I don't need to explain to really hit home.

On December the 25th my calenday said Christmas day and I spent it with a wonderful family who invited me to share their Chrsitmas. But is wasn't really my Christmas Day. On December 25th I opened presents, ate some incredible food, watched A Christmas Story on TBS and then ate some more. But it wasn't really my Christmas Day. On December 25th I spoke with my kids who were in New York and heard stories of Santa and stockings and snow. But it wasn't really my Christmas Day.

Tonight I'll drive to DFW airport to pick up the entire New York component of my family, and of course my children. Tomorrow will be Christmas eve and we'll hang stockings, begin eating and try and get the kids to sleep using threats and manipulation based on a fictitious fat man in a red and white suit. Then on the December the 30th it will finally be Christmas Day and all of the people I care about most in the the world will be in one place at one time and I don't care what happens after that because that right there is magical. That right there is Christmas.

You see while Christmas is many things to many people, the one, single most important thing for me at Christmas is being with people you love whatever day you choose to do that. It's taken me 36 years and a very hard journey to get that but i think i finally have.

Merry Christmas.

Thursday again

2009-12-10T14:16:00.001-08:00

It's flipping freezing here in the great state of Texas. Last night's low temperature in Aubrey (where I live) was 15 degrees. That's crazy! Anyway, Thursday thoughts, no particular order, off we go...

• Did I mention it's cold.

• Finally got some festive decoration outside the house. Simple tasteful white lights on the 2 large bushes. now lets see if the kids even notice.

• Very grateful to my parents that they taught me things like basic manners, tact, consideration of others. Thats all I'm saying about that.

• Looking forward to a weekend with the kids which of course begins tonight. Emily has requested that we do some baking and I shall attempt to comply. Ben has requested that the world leave him the hell alone so he can play his DS and not listen to the booooring words coming out of your mouth. Just kidding.

• Have a growing list of things I need to get in preparation for Christmas including the practical items for my houseguests. Top item on the list is pillows. Today mum added coffee maker to her list of "absolutely necessesary items I really have to get before she comes at Christmas otherwise the world will end". The list now includes 2 items. The other is a gravy boat.

• I love my mother. She's so probingly direct. Thats all I'm saying about that one too.

• Kinda sorta half thinking about getting a dog in the New Year. Probably won't because if I'd followed every whim I've had in the last month I'd be sporting a large full mustache, have legally changed my name to Clint, have an ATM sign tattooed on my forehead and several people would be dead.

• Still waiting for my sinuses to clear out and this tickly cough to go away. Something tells me in this weather I'll be waiting a while.

• And that was a Thursday. Peace.

Storms

2009-12-04T13:22:00.000-08:00

I was just going through some files on my computer and came across a video I made in 2006 after a year of battling health problems. Speaks for itself really...

Thursday Thoughts (by category)

2009-12-03T18:26:00.000-08:00

METEOROLOGICAL

It's flipping freezing here in Texas, currently about 34 degrees with an overnight low in the 20s. Meanwhile New York enjoyed a balmy 65 degree day today. Thats just wrong.

FINANCIAL

My heat has been running non-stop since I got home from work. Something tells me my winter electric bills will be a big old dose of reality.

MUSICAL

Downloaded a song called You'll Carry Me by Michelle Margiotta a few days ago. It really struck a chord (pun very much intended) with me. I've always found music to be a great refuge when life gets nuts. I've never actually met Michelle but she's been helping out at Church at The Movies new Mastic campus and I hear she's doing a great job.

INSPIRATIONAL

The best defense against the disappointment of unfulfilled expectations is a plan B.
That's an original. Well actually it's a paraphrase of something my therapist said to me recently but I'm claiming it as mine.

ANGELICAL

The way my sleeping children looked when I checked on them a few minutes ago. I love having them under my roof and treasure the times they're here. Oh and I know it's "angelic" but I'm working on something creative here!

SEASONAL

Talked to my dad and my sister today regarding their visit to Texas at Christmas. I won't completely re-write my Thanksgiving post but the thought of having my family around my table in my house for a holiday is almost too incredible to describe in words. There were times in the last couple of years of my life when I honestly never thought I'd be where I am today. It's amazing and I am ridiculously blessed.

POLITICAL

How can an individual who's been in a job for 1 year be criticized for having a challenging time in cleaning up a mess that took another individual 8 years to make? Give the guy a chance people.

AGRICULTURAL

I bought a hedge trimmer and sculpted the two large bushes at the front of my house. The next step is to adorn them with Christmas lights in honor of the season (white of course, I only do white lights). Simple elegance is what I'm going for. I'll let the people down the street do the gaudy, cluster of inflatables and flashy things. My kids of course LOVE their house but I'm sure they'll be equally as impressed with daddy's simple elegance. Yeah right.

DENTAL

Emily has her first loose tooth. She's experiencing emotions ranging from excitement that a mythical fairy is going to come into her room at night and leave cash under her pillow to shear terror that part of her is going to fall out possible involving pain and blood. I personally think the notion of a fairy coming into my room at night and messing with my pillows sounds much more terrifying. Ben is of course playing the role of supportive big brother as only Ben can and telling her it will "really hurt".

MARSUPIAL

A Kangaroo.

That's about all I've got. Happy Thursday.

Head Health

2009-12-01T12:21:00.000-08:00

Tuesday's have become an interesting day. A little over a month ago I decided that my efforts to overcome the raging ocean of thoughts and emotions swirling around my head, weren't working. With that in mind I decided to seek professional help. Since Lobotomies are apparently frowned upon these days I found myself a therapist.

This is a very big step for me as I generally believe that whatever the issue is I can fix it myself. I can't. It's not working. And if God had intended for us to be entirely self sufficient we'd all be living on our own little planet in a very crowded yet very lonely universe.

So Tuesday is my therapy day.

I'd kind of expected to go in there and tell her what's been going on in my life for the past few years and for her to slap a big band-aid on it all and that would be that. It has been however a very different experience and what I've appreciated about the woman is that she doesn't just want to band-aid issues but she wants to get to the root of them and correct the behaviors, habits, hurts, hang-ups and history which can often set us up for disappointments regardless of where life goes.

So Tuesday is my therapy day.

And so the rest of Tuesday often has this weird feeling. It's like when you have 3 days of nausea and you know you're getting sick, then finally the moment comes, you feel it climbing up the back of your throat, you run for the nearest toilet and hurl. You feel better, but for a moment, pre-flush, you're left staring at this pile of mostly mystery, stomach trash, thinking, "Ew...that was inside me?" That's kind of how my post therapy Tuesdays are.

So Tuesday is my therapy day.

And a month in it's probably the best decision I've made in a while. Hurt does not just go away. It rots and festers and eventually consumes the carrier. I'm not there yet but I am determined to get it all out. Even if I have to stick my fingers down my throat.

Thankful

2009-11-25T19:39:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I like Thanksgiving. I like the idea of a holiday which apart from the massive amount of food which is consumed and apart from the day of retail gluttony which follows it, is set aside in it's purest form for being thankful.

I can't help but remember my Thanksgiving 12 months ago. I was alone in my small one bedroom apartment, I was depressed, I was scared and uncertain of where life was headed. I'd decided to spend the day doing some projects on my computer and anything else I could think of to distract myself. I remember sitting on my apartment balcony and watching happy people below get in their cars and head off to their family gatherings. I honestly just wanted the day to be over.

A year later and life couldn't be more different. I just spent a great evening with the 2 most incredible children on the planet and sit here in a beautiful home looking at the Christmas tree my kids and I decorated this evening (eager to rearrange their ornament placement!)

Tomorrow Ben will wake me up way too early as always. We'll get up and ready and I'll spent quite some time convincing Emily why we should make some modifications to her "outfit". Then we'll hit the road, pick up Haley and head to Fort Worth to spend Thanksgiving with her family.

I've come to believe that if you're having a bad day it can look totally different tomorrow. Sometimes however "tomorrow" can take a year to come!

I am ridiculously blessed. I have so much to be thankful for. Happy Thanksgiving.

People Are Actually Reading This?!

2009-11-11T17:36:00.000-08:00

I had a couple of conversations with family members today and it turns out that quite a few people are actually reading this thing! (Hello New York)

It was suggested to me that I tone it down a bit or something to that effect. Well sorry. Not going to happen.

I started writing on here from time to time primarily as a means of therapy more than anything else. The last 4 years of my life have for the most part been hell and I don't use that word lightly. I went from 2 years of fighting serious illness right into the last 2 years of what has been the most heartbreaking period of my life.

I had lunch recently with a friend who described the past few years for me as "pushing a boulder up a hill" and to be quite honest I'm looking forward to getting to the top of the hill and watching the darn thing roll of into the distance on the other side!

Truth is next week I'll experience (was going to say "celebrate" but yeah right!) my 36th birthday. One of many of my mother's famous quotes is that we're promised "3 score and 10 years". That 70 for those of you who speak English. So that being said I'm halfway to my eternal rest. And I don't know a darn thing!

So if you're on here reading this, looking to be inspired, click HERE this guy does it probably better than anyone I've ever known. In the meantime if you're still here I'd welcome you to take this journey with me. I'm not perfect, I make TONS of mistakes, in almost 36 years and the single biggest lesson I've learned is that I still have a lot to learn and I have good days and bad days, both of which often find their way onto these pages.

So if you're still with me, welcome aboard. Laugh with me. Cry with me. Learn with me. And for goodness sake if you have any suggestions as to how I can do this thing called life better, let me know!

Weekend's Over

2009-11-08T16:32:00.001-08:00

The weekend's over. The kids are gone. The house is quiet.

• Great weekend with the kids and the dog, Samson. I'm not a huge animal person but don't mind having the dog from time to time since from what I can gather his life in his main residence isn't that wonderful.

• Watched Ben play his last Fall Ball baseball game yesterday. In his last at bat of the season he effortlessly hit a monster drive to the outfield. Perhaps the biggest of his young career. It's a great feeling when your kids is the one wowing the other parents.

• Bit the bullet and checked out COC Metro Church
which meets in the school around the corner. I hate the notion of church hopping but I've recently moved to a new town and in many ways need to start living my life where I'm at now.

• Love it when my Emily says the awkward things that need to be said. I do however wish the other adult party could be a little more accepting of the new reality. Also wish the naysayers had actually asked me what the truth was rather than inventing a reality to fit their agendas. Who knows maybe they read this. You know who you are!

• Back to the funny farm tomorrow. Mondays at the office have been weird lately. In fact the office in general has been weird lately. Something is off, hopefully it re-aligns itself soon.

• My son is an incredible human being in his own complex way. Too much to write here he just is.

• I've said this a million times but if I die tomorrow I'll be perfectly content in the contribution I've given to the world in Ben and Emily Blackmore.

• Haley's been sick since Friday. Headed out to check in on her in a few.

Halloween

2009-10-29T19:18:00.000-07:00

I spent the first half of my life growing up in a tiny village in the North East of Scotland. The kind of place where you pass gas and the entire place knows about it. The kind of place where if your dad was the village clergy you were held to a standard most kids couldn't live up to. The kind of place where pumpkins didn't grow and on October 31st we carved turnips, yes turnips. The kind of place where it was OK to do the Halloween thing.

I remember one such chilly October evening my sister and I were knocking on doors, trying to do our best to fill our bags and rot our teeth. We decided to knock on the door of an older couple who were members of the church. The door opened and we were immediately lectured about the evils of Halloween, told that their household didn't endorse devil worship and that our bags of candy would be the weights around our necks which would eventually drag us straight to hell. OK so i embellished a little but it did happen something like that. Fortunately we were wearing masks to disguise our sinful faces otherwise i'm sure it would have escalated into an epic village incident culminating in my father being driven from the pulpit.

Later in life, living in New York and having children of my own, we followed the norm there. Halloween was typically frowned on by the church and most churches offered alternatives for kids which still allowed them to get dressed up and get all hopped up on MMs.

Living in Texas we again discovered a different norm. Most of the people here, even the church people do Halloween. So for the past 4 years living in Texas, October 31st rolls around and my kids go trick or treating. I've been incredibly impressed on each of these Halloween evenings, when walking around neighborhoods with the kids, at the incredible sense of community. People are on the streets, people are interacting and last year we even encountered a couple of homes offering free hot dogs.

I like it. I don't like the gruesome macabre side of things. I think some of it is downright sick. I don't endorse devil worship. What I do endorse is kids being kids. My kids love to dress up and they love candy and I don't think for a second and of this will lead them to joining a coven or sacrificing babies in the woods later in life.

As a parent I am ultimately responsible for the upbringing of my kids and my kids alone. If you choose not to do the Halloween thing with your kids thats entirely up to you.

So on Saturday evening, an eight year Snake Eyes from the GI Joe movie, a five year old rock star, their mom and I will touring the neighborhood trying to amass enough candy to rot all of the teeth out of their mouths several times over and more importantly so much candy that they'll never notice me stealing half of it.

We had a dress rehearsal tonight. They look great.

Blissful Solitude

2009-10-16T13:43:00.001-07:00

I miss my kids. Simple as that. It's a situation that is not ideal, a situation which never gets easier but you do get used to.

So in the interest of taking my thoughts captive and turning a negative into a positive, here are my...

Top 10 Reasons Why It's Good To Be Alone

10. I can keep the temperature in my house the way I like it.

9. Lower utility bills.

8. My schedule belongs to me (when it's not baseball season, Thursday evenings, dropping the kids at school, parent teacher conferences, every other weekend or any of the countless hours my schedule belongs to JC Penney etc, etc, etc...)

7. Smaller grocery bills.

6. I can leave the toilet seat up (even though after years of "training" I seldom do).

5. My house never gets particularly dirty.

4. I watch what I want to watch on TV (even though I don't watch much TV and when I do it's usually stuck on ESPN).

3. Peace and quiet.

2. My washer and dryer have it pretty easy.

1. When my kids are here it makes the time that much more special.

Great Expectations

2009-10-11T14:35:00.000-07:00

Just read an interesting quote by a guy called Elliot Larson, who said...

"Anger always comes from frustrated expectations"

So true.
The fact is that for most of my adult life, most of the struggles, disappointments and anger I've experienced came about as the result of expectations which myself and others (but mostly myself) had put on me.

I have a terrible habit of planning out significant chunks of my life down to the most minute detail before they've even happened and when inevitably the reality of life plays out I get upset, uptight and downright disappointed which leads to feelings of failure, resentment and often anger.

Now don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with planning or having goals but this is something different. There are often a number of different roads we can take to get to our goals and being fixated on only one of these roads sets us up for failure before we even embark on the journey. I'm learning that the path we take is constantly evolving, packed with surprises around each bend and that flexibility is a key part of maintaining my sanity.

So as for those expectations; what does THE man say about them in THE book?

Matthew 22:37-39

"Jesus replied:"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: love your neighbor as yourself"

Thats it. I take the path God leads me on. I endeavor to live a life pleasing to him along that road. I love the people he puts in my way on the journey.

Great (but simple) expectations.

Friday Favorites

2009-10-09T07:19:00.001-07:00

It's an otherwise dreary Friday morning but i'm listening to some awesome music so here's a list of some of my other favorite things this morning.

Favorite Song- "Crawl" Kings of Leon

Favorite Color- Purple

Favorite Drink- Large Tea, skimmed milk, 4 Splenda, sounds gross but i'm becoming quite dependent on it in the mornings

Favorite Texas season- Fall

Favorite People- Ben and Emily

Favorite Quote- That Which Does Not Kill Us Makes Us Stronger

Favorite state of mind- Confused

Favorite Super Heros- Spider-Man and Wolverine (B and E dressed as them for a special day at school this morning, i offered Emily Super Girl and Bat Girl costumes, she chose Spider-Man. Love it.

Favorite place to be right now- at my desk, good music, working

Favorite Place to be when i'm not here- kind of starting to dig my back patio lately

Favorite electronic gadget- my iPod Touch

Tales From the Crapper

2009-10-01T18:32:00.000-07:00

I've heard from a couple of sources recently that people actually read this and a great multitude are eagerly awaiting my next installment of wisdom. Little do these people know that telling someone with the last name of Blackmore that you're remotely interested in what they're saying is like telling and Anorexic that they could lose a few pounds. The mind boggles but anyway...

So I recently took the plunge and moved out of the box I was living in and purchased a house in the well known rural homestead of Aubrey Texas.

One of the main differences between most of the houses I was familiar with in New York and the houses I've lived in in Texas is found in the master bedroom. If you're lucky enough to have your own exclusive "en suite" bathroom it generally has a special room within a room reserved solely for the porcelain throne or crapper.

And if you're ever lucky enough to enter my master crapper you'll find that as you're sitting there doing what nature requires us all to do, there are 3 picture frames hanging on the wall directly in front of you. This is no accident because I know for sure that on a daily basis or sometimes twice daily, depending on my fiber intake and certain Jewish holidays, I will find myself sitting there and the wall in front of me will have my full attention.

So here's my bathroom viewing...

1- There's a copy of a poster issued by the British government during WW2 which contains the simple phrase "Keep Calm and Carry On". It was hanging in an identical spot in my former residence and in a manner which only the Brits can do, has actually helped me a great deal during the last year of my life. The sky is falling, the bombs are dropping, tally ho, bangers and mash, fish and chips, stiff upper lip and get on with life.

2- There's a framed copy of Psalm 91, given to me by my awesome Mum a few years ago when I was facing a mountain of uncertainty and concern with serious health related issues. I don't have the whole thing memorized but love the opening lines...

"He who dwells in the shelter of the most High

Will rest in the shadow of the Almighty

I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust"

3- There's another framed passage from the bible. this time from Proverbs 30. I remember sitting in church last year right in the middle of the stress of divorce, facing tremendous financial hardship and a hailstorm of lies and accusations. The guy speaking read these words and I knew it was destined to be framed in the crapper...

"Two things I ask of you O Lord

Do not refuse me before I die:

Keep falsehood and lies far from me;

give me neither poverty nor riches

but give me only my daily bread."

It doesn't hurt to choose some words to live by and remind ourselves of those daily. It doesn't hurt to keep those words in a place where we'll see them often. In my case it's the crapper. Nature calls. Goodnight.

Stress Happens

2009-09-19T19:43:00.000-07:00

Someone recently pointed out to me that over the last 3 years of my life i've checked off several of what are commonly known as the major stresses in life. It had never occurred to me.

In some ways i've just come to realize that life isn't always a bed of roses and very often the experiences we go through are just God's way of preparing us for something else or someone else around the corner.

Anyway for some reason i decided a few moments ago to look up the 10 list and they were right.

In about the last 4 years of my life i've gone through a major relocation, followed almost immediately by 2 years of serious health issues, followed by a year long divorce, followed by a large financial "adjustment", followed by another move. That makes 4 (5 if you count both moves) out of the top 10.

And what have i learned? Not quite sure!

I guess i've learned that the same incredible stubbornness thats lead me to ignore almost every conventional means of dealing with stress has also been my salvation. I'm fiercely committed to being the type of person i believe i should be and living the type of life i believe i'm meant to be living. And i'm fiercely determined that those plans and that path will not be altered by the hailstorm of (often man-made) crap which has been raining on me for a few years now. Of course thats not to say that every day of the last 48 months has been a study in overcoming life's challenges!

By the way i've also learned that the next time one of the top 10 comes my way i'm hiring a full time therapist, doing yoga, ordering a case of Xanax and living in church!

Stress happens.

Boy's Night

2009-08-28T20:30:00.000-07:00

Tonight was a good night. No. Tonight was a great night.

It began when i went to pick up the kids from their mom and found that she was babysitting 3 little girls who are some of Emily's closest friends. That was it. She wanted to stay with them and i wasn't about to crush a little 5 year old's heart in the name of adhering to a court ordered schedule, so we had a boy's night, just the two of us.

I told Ben we could go to dinner wherever he wanted, any restaurant anywhere, it didn't matter to me. So we ate at Burger King. The draw of a cheaply made Chinese toy in a brown paper sack is a powerful thing!

We ordered ice-cream sundaes to go and headed back to my place, loud rock music blasting from the car speakers again at Ben's request.

We ordered a pay-per-view movie, Superman Returns and settled back to watched the caped one battle the forces of evil once again.

For a moment during the movie, with my son's head on my chest, there was no place i'd rather have been. It was awesome.

The movies was about 2 and half hours long. It ended and all was going well as i settled Ben into bed. Then it happened...

Out of the corner of my eye i saw a lonely little stuffed bulldog sitting on the floor, next to it a crumpled pink nightgown and a few bricks of Lego. It's been great to spend an evening with Ben and we'll have a fantastic day tomorrow but there's something missing; my tenderhearted, mischievous angel with dirty wings. I miss my little girl.

In every dark cloud that's inhabited my sky in the last year, God painted two bright shining silver linings and tonight i miss one of them very much.

Back in the saddle again

2009-08-24T18:52:00.000-07:00

• Apparently the previous post about a very cool table is "annoying" to some cheeky git who's apparently interested in my musings so here's a new post (Dad).

• Back at work today after a week of vacation and about 8 or 9 days with my awesome children. I'd be lying if i said i didn't like the industry i work in and after what's approaching 14 years doing pretty much the same job with slight variations, I'm happy that i can truthfully say i still enjoy it. Of course i could live without the almost daily politics that come with corporate culture.

• The time spent with the kids was great. Simple as that. Challenging as anytime spent with a 5 and 7 year old can be at times but overall wonderful. Of course it only pisses me off more to think that one of the lies propagated by a small minded few was that i've somehow pursued a life apart from my children which i believe to be more "fun". Time with my kids is the most precious thing in the world to me and a lot of fun!

• Got an email from my lawyer today which immediately sent chills down my spine. Once i'd summoned the courage to actually open it i was relieved to read that she just wanted to say hello and see how i was doing. Funny.

• Favorite Local Charity continues to hint at poverty while all external signs seem to point more towards excess. Also funny.

• The clocks ticking down towards closing on my house and leaving this palatial one-bedroom penthouse which i've called home for over a year now. I shall deeply miss my downstairs neighbor who gets her panties in a wad if i do more than tiptoe around my abode. Hope the next residents are troupe of acrobats. I am devilishly looking forward to the day the movers come in a coupe of weeks and start moving furniture down the stairs. Maybe her angry little head will just explode.

• Ben and Emily start their new school tomorrow. I'd be lying if i said it didn't hurt a bit to not be there when they leave home. I have learned however during the last year to do my utmost to milk every little drop of joy and fun and love out of the times we do spend together which in many ways is much more fulfilling than the broken situation we lived in before.

• I did go with the kids to their school this evening and meet their teachers. They both seemed a little reserved and quiet but i know they're the kind of kids who will not only adapt to their new surroundings but thrive in them.

• I've completed the to-do list of things i needed to set up or buy for the new house. The best part was working with the kids to get all the bits and pieces for their new rooms. They both ended up with rock-themed bedding. My kids, like their father, love music. I've dreamed for the last year of working back to the place where i could be in a house and the kids could have their own rooms. September 10th (closing day) will be a huge milestone and i'll enter the new place knowing that this is something i've worked for, sweated for, saved for, worried about, lost sleep over, cried about and dreamed about for 12 long months. There's something to be said for avoiding the silver platter route and accomplishing something on your own. Good stuff.

Drippy

2009-08-05T08:51:00.001-07:00

This table is just cool. Great design.

Tuesday

2009-08-05T07:51:00.000-07:00

Wow it's been a while although i'm not exactly sure how long as i managed to disable the date at the top of each post and can't figure out how to get it back.

~Just realized it's actually Wednesday but can't be bothered to change the picture. Tuesday was spent at home on the couch with some unexplained "gastric issues" although the salad bar at good old JCP is looking mighty guilty. Monday's lettuce offering seemed a tad old and limp.

~So sold the house. Used some of the proceeds to pay off what was left of my legal debt from the last year. Fortunately had paid the majority of it throughout the year thanks to good old fashioned tightening of the belt. Gave a chunk to my favorite local charity and now have a bit left to buy a new place.

~An incredible amount of money was robbed from my children's future during the last year to ensure an outcome which had been an the cards from the beginning. Some people just like fighting.

~I'm discovering that my home-buying money goes a lot further 20 minutes away from the office as opposed to 5 minutes away from the office.

~I love India. I love Indian people. I LOVE Indian food. But why, when i'm trying to pay off a credit card, do i have to be transferred to one of these awesome people overseas who is having trouble communicating with me in the only language i speak?

~Been inundated with questions about a series of photos i posted on Facebook recently. Do i need to spell it out? I think i can get on with life now.

~Thanks to summer scheduling I don't see the kids for another 10 days which sucks. I still find a system which was put in place to combat the "deadbeat" element to be seriously lacking.

~I'm officially over yet another Texas summer. SInce i've lived here every summer seems hotter than the previous one. We seem to have had tones of 100+ days lately and for a prissy little girl like me who doesn't like being all sweaty and smelly it's torture!

~About to start the Fall season of development at JCP. It's the biggest chunk of work we do in the year and the most entertaining on account of the scores of people who lose their flipping minds over the color of a $6 tee shirt or the placement of a button. But i'm just old and jaded.

~Found a book of poetry i wrote around the age of 16 when moving things out of the old house. It's 98% about girls, it's dark and it will definitely be getting posted on here!

~My sister did something incredibly thoughtful for me and the kids a couple of weeks ago, right after my mom spent several days in TX watching my kids while i had to work. I have perhaps the most amazing (not the most perfect) family on earth.

~And thats about all i can think of for now

Prepare the way!

2009-07-17T15:23:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow's a big day.

Tomorrow morning my two favorite people arrive in the form of my children followed a few hours later by our special guest from New York, my mom.

I've spent the last couple of days, dusting, vacuuming, cleaning out, scrubbing, de-gunking and of course stocking my pantry so that mom's food selection is a little broader than beer and chips. I've bought tea and milk, the kind of bread she eats and oatmeal, and ingredients that will hopefully make real grown up meals.

I've even hung the shelf in my bedroom that's been leaning against the wall for a month and bought one of those extra-long chains for the bedroom ceiling fan so she doesn't have to get up to adjust it.

I mentioned my activities to someone at work who suggested that my mom must be quite demanding. I had to laugh. She isn't.

But you see for as long as I can remember this amazing woman has sacrificially done everything in her power to make my life the best it could be, from changing my diapers to verbally kicking me in the butt when i've needed it (and continues to do so).

So some clean sheets and her tea are the least I could do.

Resession Obsession

2009-07-13T08:33:00.001-07:00

So this weekend was hot. I mean really hot. Like surface of the sun hot where after fifteen seconds outdoors your inner thighs start to get clammy and that "less than fresh" feeling takes over. You know what I'm talking about.

That being said I decided that my personal path to freshness meant spending as little time outside as possible and so my couch and I spend some quality moments together this weekend.

I'm getting to a point in my life where I'm OK with "vegging". I'm not terribly good at it and do get antsy or feel guilty as there are more productive things I could be doing but it's work in progress and a great alternative to sweaty inner thighs.

Anyhoo...

Being on the couch more that usual of course meant watching TV more than usual which was fun for a while. Problem is I just found myself becoming increasingly pissed off at the pure volume of recession based commercials!

The sheer hypocrisy of the "we understand times are hard, we know you have no money, have lost your job, your car and your house" but if you give us what little money you have left we'll give you some crap you don't need at a slightly reduced price. Drove me nuts. Seriously if I hear the phrase "in times like these" again I'll scream!

I was going to say I'd throw the TV out of the window but then I'd have to go take advantage of Best Buy's recession savings now wouldn't I?

It's a funny world.

Michael once again...

2009-07-07T12:57:00.000-07:00

Just finished watching an online broadcast of the Michael Jackson memorial service and wanted to write a few thoughts while they're fresh in my mind...

Michael Jackson made an incredible impact on the face of popular music and to the "older" generation who don't get it and wonder what all the fuss is about...my generation's Elvis just died.

There are 3 children in the world today, regardless of what you personally think of their family unit who really miss their daddy.

Michael Jackson was a human with struggles and demons just like every single one of us on the planet. Difference of course was that MJ's struggles were played out in public. I wonder how the rest of us would fare if our demons were slapped all over every newspaper and media outlet on planet earth. Glass houses people.

Innocent until proven guilty has to mean just that even when the world says differently. Otherwise everything this country was built on is worthless.

Brooke Shields has aged beautifully. Sorry had to get that one in.

MJ holds a Guiness record for having given more money to charity than any other recording artist in history. The rest were too busy sticking it up their noses. When he was seriously burned by Pepsi he used the legal settlement to build a burn unit along with supporting about 40 other charities and performing countless other charitable acts. What burns me (no pun intended) is that MJ was apparently more devoted to the "work of the gospel" than most of those who have written him off in the name of Jesus.

Al Sharpton's comments actually moved me. Wow.

The older I get the more sickened I am by the ignorrant surface judgement of people.

Loved Usher's rendition of Gone Too Soon

Belated Fourth

2009-07-06T05:53:00.000-07:00

I had every intention of writing something meaningful here on July 4th to recognize our great nations birthday but spent much of the day in a country home near Fort Worth basically stuffing my face (which is by the way an incredibly "American" thing to do).

Anyway somewhere in the midst of the the unbelievable home made hamburgers, peach cobbler, home made ice cream and home made potato salad, all which later that night led to some severe gastric distress (but i have no regrets)...

Somewhere in the midst of the fact that is was at least one thousand degrees after dark while i sat in a lawn chair and watched a neighborhood fireworks display which rivalled anything professional i'd ever seen...

Somewhere in the midst of being fascinated by the family (awkward 15 year old included) who showed up dressed head to toe in red, white and blue. Which i'm sure was insisted upon by the mother who by the way was one of those people who began talking as she was walking in the door of the home and did not stop, for one moment, for hours. Her husband on the other hand stood behind her and did not open his mouth, not once...

Somewhere in the midst of the food, the fireworks and the weird patriotic apparel, i was incredibly thankful. Thankful that i live here, thankful that some 9 years ago i was able to make the choice to become a citizen of this nation, thankful that my children, having been born here, will be offered a world of opportunities they may never have had elsewhere.

And last but not least. Thankful, so thankful for Mylanta.

Why???

2009-07-02T06:32:00.000-07:00

I would seriously poop myself.

CLICK HERE

Thursday Mind Dump

2009-07-02T05:44:00.000-07:00

The fact that it feels like a million degrees outside at 7am here on the surface of the sun gives me the distinct impression that today will be yet another hot one.

Watched yet another Michael Jackson special last night. I really think you have to be a thirtysomething to truly get this. When i was a kid in the 80's, particularly a kid who was really into music, Michael Jackson was a big deal. In fact Michael Jackson was the big deal. And despite all of his weirdness, much of which i'm sure his father needs to answer for, the guy was incredibly talented.

Today is Thursday but actually Friday. Kinda sorta. Thanks to July 4th falling on a Saturday we get Friday off work. Couple of events in the social calendar this weekend. Both of which will i'm sure involve loads of food and make it increasingly difficult for me to fit into my bikini this summer.

I'm continually baffled by the fact that corporate America allows certain individuals to do absolutely nothing and be compensated for it. Individuals who know how to say the right things to the right people at the right time and do diddly squat the rest of the time. Hopefully that was vague enough.

Still hoping and praying for the swift sale of the house which i once lived in and still pay for. Certain legal scenarios were put in place surrounding the sale of the house which result in a very tight timeframe to get the thing moved and a lot of upheaval for all involved if it doesn't sell soon. The proposed timeframe was not my idea and i think it ludicrous at best. But whatever.

Still absolutely loving the iPod touch i was given recently. Plus i'm old enough to marvel at the technology too.

Did I mention i have a 3 day weekend? Sweet.

Stinks on a plane

2009-06-30T13:50:00.000-07:00

I'm safely back on the surface of the sun after 10 mostly rainy but otherwise quality days with the family in New York.

The 3 and a half hour journey from JFK to DFW was an interesting one.

I could go on at length about the fact that i had a screaming toddler directly behind me who wouldn't settle, who spent about 3 hours and 29 minutes of the flight attempting to detatch the tray table from the back of my seat.

I could talk about the fact that the aformentioned toddler's parents kept doing the tag team thing to try and tame the beast and their other seat (in the 4 across plane) was the window seat next to my aisle seat and i had to keep getting up as they high-fived and dove in the ring for another round with little satan. But let's leave them alone because we've all been there and suffered the glowers of 200 other people, while our kid decided to have the meltdown of their lives and there was absolutely nothing short of killing them we could do about it.

I'm not going to mention the fact that it was 8000 degrees on the plane and the the "personal fan" was constructed to cool the brows of those 5'5" and under and couldn't be adjusted to the correct angle to cool my 6'4" noggin.

No we're going to talk about odor. Stink. People's stink.

It was a muggy day in New York the day we departed. I had worked up a bit of a sweat a few hours before we left playing in the band in my Dad's church. Aware of the fact that I was to be sitting in close proximity to other humans in a relatively small (and as it turned out, hot) metal tube, I took a shower.

Unfortunatley it would seem that i was sitting in the section of the plane where many of the other passengers opted to skip attempts at personal hygiene that day and just smell the way God intended them to which in some case was a cross between dirty diapers and wet dog. Yum yum yum delish.

But those are not atop my worst offened list by any means. No. That hallowed spot is reserved for the people who knowing full well they are sitting in close proximity to other humans and its 8000 degrees and we already have a potpurri of man stink going on, decided that they need to share their ass stink with the world too. That's right gas. Farts. Farting on a plane. A metal tube with no real source of ventilation. A metal tube with other human beings literally touching you. Awesome.

Now it was a 7:30 flight and i'm sure that for a great many people this was just a natural reaction to their bodies digesting whatever they'd eaten for dinner but for the love of all things holy exercise some sphincter control or go squish yourself into the pokey little bathroom located only 6 rows back and have a gassy fiesta.

I actually got to the point where all i had left to wish for was that the flatulence would make the screaming, tray table killing, flailing devil child behind me succumb to the fumes and pass out.

Interesting flight.

New York, New York

2009-06-22T09:32:00.000-07:00

Having a great time being with the family here in New York although the weather is n't exactly summer-like particularly compared to the temperature in the great state of Texas pushing 100 degrees on an almost daily basis.

Drove to New Jersey last night for the wedding of an old friend Jen who i worked with in my previous company. Took 2 hours to get there after a picturesque little bumper-to-bumper jaunt in torrential rain through the quaint little neighborhood known as the Bronx.

Wedding was beautifil. Bride was beautiful. I realized the new shape of my life when following the bride and groom's first dance they called everyone to join them on the dance floor. My table emptied and i sat there alone.

Boo hoo.

Before you feel too sorry for me i did have an opportunity to have a guest at the wedding it just didn't work out. I do however have every intention of bringing her next time!

Words to Live by

2009-06-16T15:55:00.000-07:00

I consider myself to be quite forgetful. I tend to forget things mere moments after i've read them or heard them which can be incredibly frustrating at times. That being said i've developed systems including calendar reminders, sending emails back and forth to myself and occasionally the old faithful post-it notes.

There are 2 phrases however, spoken by 2 men who've been very influential in my life, which have embedded themselves in my brain and stayed there for the good part of 20 years.

In 1991 I graduated from high school and had planned to spend a year in New York then return to Scotland to go to art school. During that summer we realized that if I'd lived outside of the UK for a year I wouldn't be eligible for the government grant which would pay for my 4 years of college. Panic set in and my parents and I frantically set about working out the details of my return to Scotland that fall.

One of the biggest issues was that I had no place to live so as a typical teenager would I left it to my dad to figure out the issue.

The lucky recipients of my presence were Doug and Fiona McIntyre, friends of my parents, who live in the same town as my college.

I was a pain in the ass. Plain and simple. Although probably not a great deal different to many other 17/18 year olds. Irresponsible, confused and pretty scared about being a "grown up".

Doug really took me under his wing without any obligation to do so.

I remember driving in his car one night, me probably spouting off about how tough it is to be me, and how confused I am, and how hard I have it. Me me me.

Doug with all the patience in the world turned to me and said...

"You need to remember that most of the time your biggest weakness is also your biggest strength"

Wow. Deep. But incredibly useful and something which has stayed with me to this point in life.

It's easy at times for us to sit and create long lists about how useless we are but when you flip it around its amazing what you can do with your shortcomings and failures. It's all about perception.

The other statement was around the same period of life. I had been dating a girl and was contemplating ending it for the prospect of bigger and better things. (girls...but not bigger, just better)

I was talking it over with my dad, and he uttered the statement...

"Don't throw your life away for a dream"

The obvious irony here being that my father is one of the biggest dreamers/visionaries I know.

Again this one has stayed with me to this point in my life.

Now I don't think we're meant to mindlessly settle for the status quo but it's so easy at times to let our minds drift to what our lives could be and discard all of the good things God has allowed to come our way. Still working on this one.

I consider myself to be quite forgetful..........

Things I've learned from my kids this weekend

2009-06-13T19:40:00.000-07:00

In no particular order, I've learned...

• That the trade-off for 5 awesome hours at the pool with the kids is tired and uncooperative little dears at bed time.

• That a nasty sunburn is a small price to pay for 5 awesome hours at the pool with the kids.

• That when you say you're going to bring Tootsie Rolls to the pool and forget, you might as well have killed their puppy.

• That children experience doubts, fears and questions not all that much different to us "grown-ups". They just know how to verbalize them and still sleep at night.

• That the simplest things like watching cookies bake, reading a story, eating spaghetti or a poolside water gun fight, with my kids, are magical and unforgettable experiences, yet cost nothing.

• That I never want to stop learning from my children.

• That nothing, NOTHING, in the universe compares to having my children in my arms.

• That I could memorize every book ever written and my vocabulary would still be lacking the words necessary to fully express how much I love these kids.

The Journey

2009-06-09T05:42:00.000-07:00

I spent the evening yesterday in a funeral home in downtown Fort Worth. I was attending the visitation the grandmother of someone very close to me who had passed away at the weekend. Catherine's journey had lasted 80 years until cancer finally ended it.

It's fascinating and sobering all at the same time to stand there and look back at the entirety of someone's life. I saw her high school yearbook, her wedding album, pictures of family vacations, holidays and time spent with grandchildren. Then of course there's the true legacy, generations of people who's lives were conceived and impacted by hers; friends, sisters, sons, daughters and grandchildren.

I had met Catherine just once while she was still alive but even someone who had never met her could have easily figured out 3 things in that room last night...

She was loved. She had lived. She had left a lasting impression.

When my journey's over i'd be more than happy to settle for those three things.

Read these great quotes on my dad's blog today...

A ship is safe in the harbor, but that’s not what ships are for.
William Shedd

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, “I used everything you gave me.”
Erma Bombeck

Death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone lives.
Alan Sachs

Snot Funny

2009-06-06T15:26:00.000-07:00

I'm still dealing with the after effects of the nasty cold my beloved children seemed to have left with me last weekend. I feel much better but still have a head full of mucus. This morning I took a little trip to my neighborhood Wally World and got some mucus fighting meds. I've taken 2 pills and still feel really congested.

Anyway the real point is that for days now i haven't been able to fully taste what i eat. To someone like me there can be few things that impact me to this extent of this particular predicament. I love food. I love the taste and the flavors of food. SO my first question is...

Why am i still eating?

Followed quickly by the question...

If i can't taste the food and yet am still sticking things in my piehole then do i get as much pleasure out of the act of putting food in my mouth as i do when tasting it?

I know. It's deep...

Picture says it all...

2009-06-04T14:30:00.001-07:00

People Matter

2009-06-03T09:04:00.000-07:00

So I spent the past 2 days sitting on my couch. Literally 2 days all day sitting there. My beloved offspring with their inability to contain coughs and sneezes left me with some mucus spewing demon up my nose. The question has to be asked, how come a 5 and 7 year old can be choc full o mucus and still run around like hyperactive squirrels and I get a wiff of this and it puts me on my rear end watching endless re-runs of CSI for 2 days? Weird.

Reluctantly I decided to come back to work today, mucus demon still hanging on. For some reason if you come back to work after one day out no one believes you were really sick, if you come back after 3 days out people think you were milking it so I opted to make my return today.

Now being the good (ex) Brit that I am I like to go to one of our awesome coffee "facilities" (that makes it sound more """corporate""") here at JCP and get a large tea in the mornings. That would be the hot kind with milk and sugar(splenda) and not the iced crap. I generally walk over there with one of my team depending on who's around and say good morning to the same friendly lady at the checkout.

Bear in mind there are 5000+ people working in this building.

So I get to her, tea in hand this morning and she says, "I hear you've been under the weather for a couple of days, good to see you."

Thats impressive and totally cheered me up.

Now she could be...

A) A stalker...No just seems like a nice old lady
B) "into" me...Did I mention the "old" part?
C) Doing her best to provide the best service she can even if it's at a cashier's post in a coffee shop.

I'm going to go for C. The world is about people. Business is about people. Relationships are about people. Being nice to people motivates people.

Genius I know but you'd be amazed how many people I encounter daily who "oversee" (intimidate) people and often drive German luxury cars and live in gated communities who still don't have a clue what it's all about!

People matter.

...and away

2009-05-30T18:18:00.000-07:00

Had an excellent day with the kids today. I'm tired, i'm sunburnt but thoroughly satisfied.

One of the highlights of the day was a trip to see the new animated offering from Disney/Pixar called Up.

Now despited what several reviews and people who've seen it say, i really liked it, as did the kids.

I thought the message of the movies was great. It basically told the story of two men who at the twilight of their lives were both driven by one goal and despite having this in common they couldn't be more different. Anyway don't want to ruin it.

So here's what i learned from Up...

• We're only given one shot at this thing called life so pursue what matters to you.

• Don't become so fixated on one goal, plan or direction that it consumes you and you miss out on all of the "unscheduled" adventures along the way.

• Write your plans in pencil

During the on-boarding (brainwashing) my first day with JCP, almost 4 years ago, i met a guy by the name of Larry. I knew Larry was destined for design as he was in his 50's, wore long, curly hair in a "bun" on the back of his head and was sporting a seersucker blazer. As things turned out Larry was actually to be my boss.

About a year later, while beginning to have health problems of my own, Larry started to get sick too. After various tests he announced to the team that he had cancer, terminal cancer. In fact it was at a stage where he only had 3-6 months to live.

I remember sitting with Larry in his office during what would have been his last few weeks at work. I felt a little awkward, i mean what do you say to someone who's dying? Sorry? So that's what i did, i just said "I'm really sorry." Seemed a little inadequate but it's about the best i had.

Larry went on to explain to me that he wasn't sorry. Sure he was disappointed but he had a real peace about what lay before him. Now before you take the offering, no, we're not going there. Put the weird velvet bag with the "horn" handles away. Anyhoo, i digress...

What Larry said was that in his fifty-something years on the planet he'd seen the world, he'd met some amazing people, he'd experienced some incredible things, he'd lived a full life and he had no regrets.

Wow.

Larry died within a few months.

I still think about that short conversation a lot. I think about being in my 50's and being content. Not becoming complacent or giving up. Just living in a place where i could, if i got that news, be happy with the path behind me.

And thats that. Fifteen bucks for movie tickets. Eleven bucks for drinks (smuggled in the candy). And a whole lot of deep thinking.

A new chapter

2009-05-26T15:10:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow morning i have an early appointment at the 16th courthouse of Denton. After a brief visit and a couple of signatures i won't be married any more.

Tomorrow marks the conclusion of a year i can only describe as hell. A year in which i've been lied about, misrepresented and slandered. A year in which i've seen two incredible children used as pawns to extort and blackmail for financial gain. A year in which i've seen friends who couldn't see beyond their single-mindedness just disappear.

But i've also seen true friends who didn't always approve or understand rise to become angels. I've seen a family, my family, see beyond personal hurts and love unconditionally on BOTH sides of the situation. I've watched two incredible children adapt to the new shape of their lives. I've seen almost miraculous provision right when i needed it most. And while some have plainly put tried to destroy me i've seen a man in the mirror who's stayed the course, restructured his values and has never, ever been alone.

So at the dawn of a new chapter i pledge to never take what God has given me for granted. To never take lightly the relationships which have stayed true and above all to commit myself once again to be the best father i can to the two most wonderful things that have ever happened to me.

For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "they are plans of good and not of disaster, to give you a future and hope."

~ Jeremiah 29 verse 11

Memorial Day

2009-05-22T08:10:00.000-07:00

So i'm not a big proponent of war at all. I think that young kids are often shipped off to face the distinct possibility of death after being sold the idea of patriotism and service in a disingenuous manner. I think that the real reasons behind wars are never truly revealed and often serve the financially fueled agendas of those in power. I think America has often created problems for itself by acting as the "World Police" at times when it was neither wanted or needed.

BUT...

I love America. I can think of no other country on planet earth where I'd rather be. I have benefitted from living here in ways i never could in other parts of the world. I accept that there have been times throughout the course of our history where real threats have made it necessary to participate in real wars and incredibly brave men and women have made the ultimate sacrifice to protect the way of life which we as Americans all hold dear.

So this Memorial Day as you're consuming you're 5th hot dog and wondering why you always feel "bloated", take a moment to remember those who fought for the freedom for you to hang out and eat hot dogs.

Here We Go Again

2009-05-21T06:26:00.001-07:00

It's amazing that when i write a post like the one i did Monday in a forward thinking and almost optomistic frame of mind, how quickly it can all turn.

Yes ladies and gentlemen just when we all thought the end was near, someone moved the finish line. Once again the oafish, loafing, self absorbed hand of greed has been thrust under my nose and we're taking a trip down Extortion Avenue.

I pride myself on the fact that since i graduated from college i have done whatever i needed to do to earn a living, provide and take care of my obligations. As an adult and as a man the thought of constantly relying on others to meet my needs makes me cringe. As an adult i derive an enormous sense of gratification from getting up in the morning and working hard. As an adult i strive to rise above situations and circumstances that may appear along the way in this journey and even to better myself. Shame i'm alone in this.

Want Versus Need

2009-05-18T15:01:00.000-07:00

I've learned a lot in the last 12 painful months of my life. One lesson in particular has perhaps stood out above all others and for the first time in 35 years on this journey I think I'm finally beginning to get it. It's the basic concept of want versus need...

What I want...

To be rich (oh come on like you don't). To have the resources to get whatever I want, whenever I want and never have to have a second thought about it.

What I need...

Enough.

What I want...

To be wildly successful in my chosen vocation and make a name for myself that lives on long after I've checked out.

What I need...

To do my best wherever I find myself.

What I want...

For my children to be wildly successful in their own right. For them to have the resources to have whatever they want, whenever they want and to never give a second thought to it. For them to never experience pain, regret or sadness.

What I need...

To love my kids with every fiber of my being and let God take care of the rest.

What I want...

To be loved and respected by everyone in the world.

What I need...

To remember that my worth cannot be shaped or altered by a single human being on this planet. To remember that my value was set before I breathed my first breath by one far greater.

I heard a great prayer from the book of Proverbs a couple of weeks ago in church.

Proverbs 30:7-9 (New International Version)

⁷ "Two things I ask of you, O LORD;
do not refuse me before I die:

⁸ Keep falsehood and lies far from me;
give me neither poverty nor riches,
but give me only my daily bread.

⁹ Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you
       and say, 'Who is the LORD ?'
       Or I may become poor and steal,
       and so dishonor the name of my God.

Good stuff. Simple stuff. Words to live by.

Awkward

2009-05-18T09:24:00.000-07:00

This is great. A little PG-13 in places but you'll get over it I'm sure.

Click HERE

Pretty pretty pictures

2009-05-12T12:48:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to give props (as the "young people" say) to flickr.com an image sharing site where you can wile away hours searching and browsing through millions of people's photos.

To a visual junkie like me it's absolute heaven!

Greedy Dad?

2009-05-11T21:17:00.001-07:00

Why does the Rich Dad Poor Dad dude need to keep working?

Just a thought.

Mum

2009-05-09T15:32:00.000-07:00

Ok so life hasn't exactly turned out the way i had planned. The white picket fence fell over and is currently being hacked up for firewood. But one constant has stayed the same for the last 35 plus years, I have an incredible mum.

Gill Blackmore is a straight talker, a care taker, a cheerleader, a world class listener, a wiper of noses, a drier of tears, a fixer of breaks, a human dynamo, an unsung hero, a laundry fanatic, an overcomer, a fighter, a voice of reason, an enemy of injustice, a giver of hugs, a protector, a sewing machine maestro, a lover of art and culture, a thinker, a creative genius and a mother to anyone, anywhere in the world, who needs one.

I love you mum and miss you more than i could ever express in a stupid blog.

Happy Mother's Day.

Random Ramblings

2009-05-09T15:10:00.001-07:00

OK so i haven't been on here in ages. A lot of stuff with my situation has been going on and didn't want to get on here and spout off about it, doesn't help anyone.

• Went to the mall today. Still searching for signs of the recession although it is the day before Mother's day and I'm sure everyone's out buying goodies for Mom

• Ben's baseball team scored an exciting win last night although Ben himself went hitless. Good to see that a team can still win despite their best player (slight bias) having an off night.

• Carving up the last details of what made us an "us". It's still sad, it still hurts but still necessary.

• Last week's open house was pointless. No one came. Life will be significantly easier in the grands scheme of things if this house sells by the end of July. Not very impressed by the motivation of the realtor who continues to play the "economy" card. Another open house in 3 weeks. Fingers crossed.

• Had a conversation with a friend who's at the beginning of a situation like mine right now. I understand that the law treats Dads the way it does to combat the "deadbeat" minority but what about the rest of us?

• Photos from my aunt's funeral of the extended Blackmore family together made me feel very nostalgic. Also made me feel very old seeing cousin's who've aged in the scores of years since I've seen them. I really don't see myself as having aged that much but I'm perhaps in denial. By the way 67 is way too young to go.

• Slept for 10 hours last night which is really unusual for me but obviously i needed it.

• Got an email from the one member of the "other" family who it saddened me to lose touch with, asking if i wanted to get together later this month. Looking forward to it.

• Had a really weird encounter with some former friends last weekend. People who i'd extended myself for and opened my home and wallet to on a regular basis. They couldn't even look me it the eye. I'm still surprises how people have reacted to me in this situation without ever considering that there might, just might be another side to it all. I know now how the lepers of old must have felt. (I'm doing what i said i wouldn't aren't I?)

• Spending Mother's day tomorrow with a friend and their family who are going through an incredibly rough time right now.

• Looking forward to 10 days in New York with the kids at the end of June. Dad's already bought the Mets tickets!

• I really, really miss my Mum

Photos for LIFE

2009-04-21T13:45:00.000-07:00

OK so the good folks at GOOGLE have come up with something I think is fantastic.

They've partnered with LIFE magazine and created a searchable archive of all of the publication's photos.

Don't know if it's new or if it's a permenant fixture but it's very cool.

Check it out HERE.

A moment for art

2009-04-21T08:28:00.000-07:00

The work of 2 Illustrators i love...

Click Here

And Here

Emily-isms

2009-04-19T11:52:00.000-07:00

For some reason my 5 year old daughter always manages to come up with some memorable one-liners on Sunday mornings when we're getting ready for church this morning was no exception...

While brushing our teeth together...

"Dad you're old"

While walking through the room shirtless...

"Dad, mommies have boobies like those"

About to leave...

"Dad, I've just gotta tell you. You look really handsome today" (my personal fave)

Don't judge a book by it's cover

2009-04-14T15:30:00.000-07:00

Check this out

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Il5TBgD9kHI

They don't just make cars

2009-04-14T15:12:00.000-07:00

So a couple of weeks ago my Dad told me about a diet he was trying called the GM diet. This 7 day "cleansing" was apparently scientifically developed by General Motors in an effort to give their employees and option to shed some weight in a hurry and cleanse their minds and bodies in the process...or something. I won't even mention the fact that perhaps a little bit more focus on selling cars may have avoided a trip to Bail Out-ville. Of course you know what this is really about is saving money on health costs, with these large corporations it's ALWAYS about money, trust me i'm an expert.

Anyhoo, it's a bit of a weird little plan but i decided, having become a wee bit flabby after 6 months of beer and frozen dinners, to give it a whirl. Bottom line is that for the last 3 days i've done nothing but eat vegetables and fruit and drink water. I've also along the way relieved my body completely of the ability to make solid...well you know. Let's just say carrots don't change a heck of a lot on their "journey".

Tomorrow, Day 4, promises a succulent buffet of bananas and milk. And thats it. Banana and milk. All day. For the entire day. And i fully expect by this time tomorrow to be pooping spackle. TMI? Oh well sorry.

In other news...I made some appointments today to have a round of tests to make sure nothing has developed in the past year since ending treatment for my alleged Sarcoidosis. The sad part is that i would have done all this sooner had it not been for the fact that thanks to the wonderful (insert sarcastic tone) health insurance provided by the good folks at JCP, a CT scan and some blood work still costs a fortune even after insurance.

So there we have it. One large corporation who make you crap so you don't get sick and another who don't give a crap if you do.

By the way i didn't initially type "crap" but you never know, my mum might read this.

And that was the weekend

2009-04-05T13:25:00.000-07:00

It was pretty crowded in my one bedroom abode this weekend. In addition to Ben and Emily we had Samson, the kids' one year old Schnoodle (Schnauzer/Poodle). Aside from the fact that Samson did battle with and defeated a number of Ben's Star Wars action figures and did battle with and defeated my blinds, he was otherwise perfect. Of course every time Samson needed to do what dogs do we had to up and down 3 flights of stairs.

Saturday we took Samson to a big dog park here in Plano and found ourselves in the middle of a French Bulldog convention. Now those are weird looking animals. They look like they're grinning all the time, are completely hyper and breathe in an unusual gargling way.

I took the kids to church this morning. I got ready in the bathroom and upon exiting Emily announced, "Daddy you look very hamp-sun." Awesome, made my morning anyway.

After church we proceeded to our favorite pizza place, Sal's in Plano. The waitress took our order and was no more than 2 feet away from the table when Emily (sans tact or volume control) asked, "Do you think that lady wanted to make pizzas when she 'growed' up?" There wasn't quite enough room to crawl under the table, i checked.

So it's that time on a Sunday. I'm exhausted. I don't wear my usual earplugs (very light sleeper) when the kids are here and Mr. Lunesta (very good sleep aid) is definitely out of the question. So my mind starts to race and there goes the night.

Exhausted but otherwise very happy having spent the weekend with my 2 favorite people (and their pooch).

Karen Oakes is a WEIRDO

2009-04-03T07:54:00.001-07:00

That's about it really

My Angel

2009-03-30T15:59:00.000-07:00

Five years ago this evening we were getting ready to head to the hospital for a scheduled C section which would bring our second child Emily Skye Blackmore into our lives.

This event would mark the first and last time that Emily followed any kind of schedule or rules. The last 5 years have been awesome. Emily is a truly unique kids who gets up every day and walks to the beat of her own drum. She's beautiful and wacky, caring and creative, loving and unique and i wouldn't have her any other way.

I'm reduced to mush every time she looks at me and calls me "Dada" and truly humbled to be a father to such an incredible human being.

She's my angel with dirty wings and i can't wait to see her grow up into the amazing young woman she's destined to be.

Happy Birthday darling.

Here come the clowns

2009-03-28T13:46:00.000-07:00

Was standing on line at the grocery store the other day and happened to see this in the magazine rack.

As you may or may not know, fresh from 8 years of ruining the world the Bush's are moving to Preston Hollow in Dallas, not all that far from here.

D Magazine which I know nothing about but appears to be pretty popular here in North Texas, seems rather excited about our new neighbors.

I can only hope that someone with a basic knowledge of Photoshop pasted the 43rd president's head on someone else's body and that "dubya" didn't actually wear this ridiculous outfit.

Now paste on a clown hat and it'd be quite fitting.

In the name of fashion

2009-03-26T16:52:00.000-07:00

This September will mark 14 glorious years I've spent working in various areas of the "fashion" industry (quotations added because my involvement has hardly been of the design studio in Milan variety, more the buy one get one free variety).

Currently deadlines are creeping ever closer and work is approaching fever pitch for our Spring 2010 line. In those 14 years it has never ceased to amaze me just how much people freak out over $7.99 tee shirts and 2 for $14.99 pajamas.

I've always been someone who took great pride in my work and did the absolute best job i could wherever i found myself. But in a time when the world appears to be headed to a really weird and dark place and families are finding themselves helpless and homeless on a daily basis, i can't help but chuckle (in a sad, pathetic sort of way) when i spend my days listening to people have meltdowns over shades of pink. I mean really, is this making the world a better place? Are we finding the cures to age old killer diseases? Nope.

The irony is that because of the current economic climate, the reason the creative elite are really concerned about being blamed for getting that shade of pink wrong is that they don't want to become one of the helpless and homeless. This leads to tense workplace relationships (in place of true teamwork), coworkers trying to outshine one another (rather than helping one another to shine) and an environment where no one really cares who they step on to show that they truly are an asset to the company.

I find it all a bit sad.

Greed

2009-03-26T16:14:00.000-07:00

Interesting article from Newsweek.

Chick Music

2009-03-23T11:10:00.000-07:00

In some ways I can't believe I'm writing this but I recently aquired a copy of the new Kelly Clarkson album All I Ever Wanted and it's actually really good. Lots of variety, lots of catchy pop music. Maybe these American Idol people know what they're doing after all!

Random Ramblings

2009-03-22T17:13:00.001-07:00

Realize i haven't posted anything on here in what seems like an eternity. Here's a brief list of highlights...

• In course of running errands yesterday i say seven (yes seven) sets of twins in various locations. Seriously weird.

• Was due to have the kids this weekend but won't see them until tomorrow. They've been in Puerto Rico visiting their grandparents and due to flight complications are a few days behind schedule in returning. I miss them so much.

• Traded my completely impractical and apparently on some kind of high risk list, sports car in for something much more sensible. Got a 2007 Mazda CX7 and managed to lower my monthly payments and insurance costs in the process. Love the car plus the kids now have a real back seat.

• Had yet another run in with the ignorance of individuals who think that taking pot shots at me will somehow impact the ongoing awful situation. The irony being that i have an inflammatory list a mile long of my own which i've never uttered a word of to another human being. Brings to mind an old saying about people in glass houses. The "high road" is a hard route to find at times.

• Had my year end review at work. Was extremely humbled to be told that despite the obvious hardships of the last year, i've managed to continue to improve and make new contributions in my position. That meant a lot.

• Just finished a major project which will hopefully bring in a bit more income.

• Just purchased a real vacuum as my Roomba appears to have died. Was shocked to see the contents of the dirt canister which the Roomba had apparently missed!

• My little girl turns 5 in just over a week. Those 5 years went by fast!

• I'm really tired. The notion of weekends being a time to recharge for the upcoming work week, never seems to work out for me.

• I can't wait to see my kids!

For Sale

2009-03-10T07:37:00.000-07:00

In case any of you out there in blogland are looking to move to an up and coming area of the Dallas Metroplex and are looking for the perfect house. Look no furhter than here.

Number One Republican?

2009-03-10T05:50:00.000-07:00

A friend just sent me a link to a video montage of this tool among tools, Rush Limbaugh's finer moments.

See for yourself. Click here.

Back in the saddle

2009-03-09T11:23:00.001-07:00

Today's my first day back in my routine after spending about 3 days visiting my parents and sister on Long Island.

I'm exhausted today. I took the last possible flight back to Texas last night which got me home after midnight. The flight was crowded and hot and my shoulder provided a wonderful pillow for the portly Indian gentleman sitting next to me who kept falling asleep on it.

I did toy with the idea of being "sick" today just to have some time to catch up but after a couple of days out and considering the state of employment nationwide, i dragged my tired backside to the office.

Had a great time with the family. Always do. Really enjoyed hanging out with Jace my 8 year old nephew who i'm told acts a lot like me at his age. I just wish i had his energy!

The thing that struck me as strange about this trip to the place which is as close to "home" as i could claim, is that for some reason it didn't feel like it. Sure there's a familiarity and comfort being around loved ones but when it came to the actual place I felt like a visitor. The people's accent's sounded funny, the houses looked odd, the roads and scenery felt nothing more than familiar and it generally feel didn't feel like a place i called home for some 14 years. I attended my Dad's church on Sunday morning and a lot of people said it was good to see me home and it felt weird. Seriously weird.

Now i know it takes time to adjust to living somewhere but does there actually come a point when the switch happens? I got back to Dallas last night and listened to the Southern drawls of people waiting for luggage. I walked out of the airport as 2 cab drivers were getting ito a verbal sparring match and was surprised by it (commonplace in NY!). I drove on the light gray, non blacktop roads of the highway and looked at the lights of homes i could see for miles around me in the wide open, flat spaces of Texas. And it felt familiar, in a good way and safe and almost like....home. Weird.

On another note i also encountered several people on Sunday morning who read this drivel. So apologies for my brutal honesty regarding certains topics in my life currently.....or not!!!

In a New York state of mind

2009-03-04T07:23:00.000-08:00

I'm leaving early tomorrow morning to take one of my favorite trips. I'll be taking an 8:20am flight from DFW airport to JFK airport in New York, then an hour's drive to where my parents and sister live on Long Island.

Friday is my mom's 64th birthday. My sister, Charlotte, called me with the idea some time ago of surprising my mom for her birthday and i'm actually really excited!

It seems it doesn't matter where we are in life or how old we are, there's always something special about going home. Our family (I mean the original unit of 4) has been through a rough couple of years and i'm looking forward to us all being in the same room, probably around the same table and just reconnecting.

By the way Long Island is still covered in a thick layer of snow. Tomorrow's high temperature there will be 39 degrees. Tomorrow's high here in Texas will be 83 degrees and sunny!

They don't rock

2009-02-28T20:04:00.000-08:00

The teenage Disney sensation known as the Jonas Brothers released their latest marketing offering of drivel this weekend in the form of Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience.

My daughter Emily who's a month shy of her 5th birthday is a huge fan, which speaks volumes for their "music".

I felt a trip to this cinematic masterpiece would be an opportunity for me to score huge daddy points but thankfully i have TWO children.

This morning i asked the kids if they'd like to take a trip to the movie theater and see this work of art and was fully prepared to endure a couple of hours of 3 overly styled kids in tight jeans trying to sing.

Thankfully in the spirit of democracy it had to be something that both kids wanted to do. Emily of course was very enthusiastic at the thought of watching her idols wail. Ben on the other had thought about it for a moment and in a way only Ben can, delivered the response in all seriousness...

"But Dad, they just don't rock".

Awesome.

Emily wasn't too bothered and we managed to fill our day with other activities and Dad managed to avoid wasting $40 on the aforementioned crap. And a good day was had by all.

Caught in the middle

2009-02-27T13:04:00.000-08:00

So i've been having some issues for the last few days, going to the bathroom a lot, some weird discomfort down in the happy places...stuff like that.

This morning I finally went to the doctor and after trying to fit the contents of my bladder into a thimble and the the indescribable joy of a Prostate exam, the doctor informed me that I have a Prostate infection.

Puzzled I asked the doctor what would cause such a condition. The doctor asked about the nature of what I do and I informed him that I spend a lot of time sitting in front of a computer. To which the good doctor responded...

"Prostate infections are quite common in middle aged men who spend a lot of time sitting"

I almost fell off my chair. Not because my rear end was still throbbing from it's latex clad digit violation. But rather beacause he lumped me in with people who are middle aged!!!!!I'm 35 for goodness sake!!!

No either I am seriously kidding myself or Dr. Digit was a bit liberal with the age range associated with middle age.

Right?????

Turning the clock back

2009-02-25T20:03:00.000-08:00

I work with a bunch of twentysomethings and find it really odd when they make jokes about my age. I still see myself as a very young person.

Got to thinking today what i would do differently if i could turn the clock back 10 years. So here's my list in no particular order...

• Eat more healthy foods

• Exercise more regularly

• Say "no" more often

• Take time to make big decisions

• Take more risks

• Put the purpose of what i do before the rewards for what i do

• Make time for creativity

• Learn Spanish

• See more of the world

• Invest more time in quality relationships

• Read more of the Bible

• Form a band

• Take professional voice lessons

• Learn to cook

• Be more vulnerable

Wednesday Ramblings

2009-02-25T14:55:00.000-08:00

• Took a mandatory Inclusion and Diversity class at work today. It was conducted in a roundtable group format. My favorite moment was when one of the guys in my group, probably aged 50+, was presented with a scenario where a transgendered customer needs to use a fitting room in a JCP store. The gentleman's suggestion was that they be offered the use of the handicapped fitting room. Priceless.

• Work is OK. Currently designing tons of plaids and stripes which isn't the most creatively stimulating job in the world but has to be done ahead of the more creative work.

• Got a text from my parents in India today. They're about to start the grueling journey home.

• Have to hand over my house key, garage door openers to you know who today. All because i asked for my only spare car key incase i were to be locked out for some reason. The tit for tat attitude got old a LONG time ago. But in the spirit of being the better person...whatever.

• I'm legally not allowed in my own house until this is finalized upon said person's request. I agreed to it purely to keep the process moving forward. My kids need this situation to end, said person needs to grow up.

• Off to see my amazing kids in a few. My guess is we'll end up in Burger King. I know I'm getting old because fast food really doesn't appeal to me in the slightest any more!

• The weather in TX is in the high 70's and beautiful. Meant to hit 80 tomorrow. But knowing Texas it could be in the 30s by the weekend!

And then it was quiet

2009-02-22T11:41:00.000-08:00

Te kids just left.

It's amazing how my place went from a flurry of activity and sound and energy to absolutely still in an instant.

They really are my #1 source of joy, hope and motivation. I miss them terribly already.

OK off to find something to keep myself busy!

More AAR

2009-02-21T20:19:00.000-08:00

It's interesting (at least for me) to see how the All American Rejects have provided a little bit of a soundtrack for what's been going on in my life.

Six months ago the song Straightjacket Feeling from their 2005 album Move Along had a huge amount of content i could relate to and i listened to it to death.

Right now Gives You Hell from their latest album describes to a tee where my head/life/situation is at and is subsequently featured heavily on my iPod playlist.

Check out the lyrics if you're interested here.

Remember it's my life and if it makes you uncomfortable, well, imagine living it every day.

Music to live by

2009-02-21T17:51:00.000-08:00

Just bought the new All American Rejects album When The World Comes Down. Good stuff. Worth a listen.

Reality

2009-02-20T19:30:00.000-08:00

Getting a little tired of putting on a brave face, just walking it through, being the better person and a thousand other ways i've been advised to cope. Here's a little more of my reality...

A symphony of ignorance plays sweetly in my head

A recipe of agony topped off with words unsaid

I wear a suit of absolutes an undershirt of fear

Sleep in a house of solitude on beds so insincere

Perhaps this road gets easier

Perhaps it has no end

Maybe a plan much larger waits

Maybe I’ll just pretend

To wear a mask of happiness

Over my shirt of fear

And laugh at swirling ignorance

With road’s end drawing near

My golden blue-eyed dreamers lay still in distant lands

While I in lonely torment lay, their tears upon my hands

Their words so sweet and innocent cut through my broken heart

Which bleeds upon my hopes and dreams returning me to start

Perhaps this road gets easier

Perhaps it has no end

Maybe a plan much larger waits

Maybe I’ll just pretend

To wear a mask of happiness

Over my shirt of fear

And laugh at swirling ignorance

With road’s end drawing near

The start paved with blank pages a story not yet told

While dreams cascaded all around I looked for one to hold

A maker who has formed me and carries me today

Who sweeps up broken pieces and fixes disarray

Perhaps this road gets easier

Perhaps it never will

And yet my steps remain

With each new looming hill

I’ll fight a war for happiness

Embrace a badge of fear

Own every broken piece of me

Shattered, alone but here

Facebook

2009-02-19T15:55:00.000-08:00

Six or seven months ago i got in touch with an old friend in England who i hadn't seen or talked to in years. My friend introduced me to Facebook and after just a couple of weeks i was hooked. It was incredibly entertaining and intriguing to connect with people all over the world who had been a part of my life at various points along the way and especially intriguing to see what they look like now!

A couple of months ago i got word from a very reliable source that parties close to the other person involved in my messy current situation had been accessing my Facebook page and pulling off pictures of me living my life (spending time with friends, going to art galleries etc) and trying to use the pictures as proof of me...well...living my life. I decided that it would be best to disable my page and not give any ammunition to the morons who's lives are so empty that they with to inflict additional pain on an already painful situation.

Today i decided that they can go and do things a polite British born man can't actually put in type and i have plans to re-activate my page.

I've learned that however sad and unfair it may seem, there are always going to be those who are quick to judge based on biased facts, quick to pile on when their input is neither welcome nor valued and generally add fuel to a fire for a sick, sensationalist thrill. Sad.

So back to Facebook.

In other news my situation continues to drag. I've always believed that a swift resolution is the best thing for all involved especially the two people i hold dearest. However shortsightedness and plain old greed are powerful motivating factors in this game of two sides.

I won't write any more. Have a nice evening.

Yeah, but you still can't sing...

2009-02-13T15:00:00.001-08:00

Way to go Kenny, here's something to be really proud of.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29186452/

Pass the Penicillin.

Hey aren't famous singers supposed to have the ability to sing? Or is that just me?

Run Down

2009-02-13T14:34:00.000-08:00

So our neighborhood obsessive toy cleaner just returned in his big black shiny truck from one of our local fast food "restaurants" with a bucket full of Dr. Pepper or something. Now, clad only in a tank top (vest, for our European audience) he's walking round and round the vehicle inspecting every inch of it and polishing random parts with a big blue rag. My favorite moment was when another, louder than it needs to be, big black truck rumbled by. Our obsessive cleaner froze and stared down the other truck. I was just waiting for him to jump in his truck and start a revving frenzy. Turn off your TV's folks, the entertainment is right outside your window. Anyway, i digress....

So, run down.

I went to the doctor this week having felt life crap for several weeks now. I've been very tired, achy, lethargic etc. and being a typical dude decided to let it go for a while to see if i felt better.

The doctor took my blood pressure, temperature, swabbed my nose for Flu (which felt really weird and made my eyes water) listened to my lungs and even drew some blood. Any way the result of all that was nothing. We talked about my life and i said i was having trouble sleeping, which would be easy except for the fact i have these incredibly deep thoughts every time my head makes contact with the pillow.

So the verdict was that I'm "very run down" and was given some Lunesta to help me sleep.

OK so here's the deal. Firstly sleeping pills scare the crap out of me. I don't want to get to a place where i think i won't be able to sleep without popping a pill. Actually most pills scare the crap out of me. And being someone who spent 2 years of my life taking loads of drugs for a condition doctors "thought" i had, i'd much rather not take anything. Secondly, what the heck is "run down"?

According to the all knowing brainiacs at wikipedia its a predicament a baseball player can find himself in when stranded between bases OR perhaps a rather forgettable movie from 2003 starring the Rock or is that The Rock?

Now i know its a phrase we all use but just what does "run down" mean?

Answers on a postcard please.

Boys and their Toys

2009-02-13T13:20:00.000-08:00

Having taken advantage of one of the 10 "Flex" (half day) Fridays which JCP offers their employees per year, i've been sitting at my computer at home catching up on so bits and pieces.

My desk faces a window and i've become quite fascinated with what's going on at one of the fancy apartments with an attached garage across the way.

A guy who looks younger than me, who's obviously "flexing" today too has spent hours cleaning a fleet of vehicles. Now it may be the case that this particular resident has opened up an car detailing service from his home and i was the last to know. However it seems a lot more likely that this man has a lot of toys.

In the last couple of hours i have seen a very large, black, huge wheeled Ford pick up truck being buffed. I've seen a sporty black Ford Mustang being polished. I've seen a white Jeep Wrangler getting the treatment. Oh and a motorcycle and quad have also made appearances!

Do you need all that stuff?!

Now as someone who drives a "sports" car i do tread this path carefully but it is a sports car, not 3 of them.

And i will confess that I've been terribly guilty in the last 14 years, since i've been earning a regular paycheck, of flirting with the attitude that i must have shiny, sparkly things to show for my labours.

(By the way he's now revving the big truck very loudly, i guess not enough people have noticed his assets yet.)

Thing is at my ripe old age, and in my delightful situation, i'm just beginning to learn that "stuff" doesn't really matter a heck of a lot, in fact it can create a lot of problems. Yes you can still learn things in your 30's. What matters most in life are things like honor, respect, the love of your children, honesty, justice, generosity and the list could go on and on.

When i leave this planet the sum total of the accumulated things which i can bring with me is zero. And even if i leave them behind for others they'll eventually rust and decay. But there are certain things i can leave behind with others, especially my children, which are timeless and can be passed on from person to person indefinitely without losing their value.

Think someone once wrote a book with a lot of this stuff in it....

So the next time you see me trying to have stuff for the sake of having stuff. Do me a favor.

Slap me.

Tired

2009-02-09T14:55:00.001-08:00

Ever been tired?

Ever been so tired that just about everything pissed you off? The wind, your shoes, other drivers, the tone of someone's voice, the pen that never works.

Ever been so tired that your head aches, you feel like throwing up, your chest is tight and you start to doze off just thinking about you bed?

Well thats how i feel right now.

See i'm not one of those people who can get a few hours and function at my best. In order to be all that i can be i need my 8 hours and it needs to be a quality 8 hours. And naps? Forget naps, they don't work for me. They just make me even more tired and less able to function.

It began Friday evening. I put the kids to bed and followed them a couple of hours. I'd hoped to avoid being tired when they woke up, usually around 7 (regardless of what time they go to bed).

Friday evening however life had other plans. Emily was awake on and off for most of the night with a fever. I gave her medicine but she eventually ended up in bed with me tossing and turning all night. And of course at 7 Ben was wide awake and raring to go.

Saturday evening i got the kids in bed and at 9:30 decided to go there myself. It didn't work, i just couldn't fall asleep my mind started whirring out of control every time i closed my eyes. And as much as i tried every method of relaxation i could think of, i still saw 3am come and go. And the kids were up at 7.

Last night i made the awful mistake of having a dinner of pasta in a rich tomato sauce. To a person who has an acid reflux issue (which i'm still in denial about) tomato sauce is perhaps one of the worst things i could have eaten. And it hit me. And it hit me hard. For sometime during the night i was in the bathroom spitting up foul tasting stomach acid which decided to rear it's ugly head every time i attempted to lay down or sleep sitting up. And the alarm announce the beginning of a new work week at 7.

So today i'm tired. Tonight i shall get in early and hopefully get caught up. I hope. Goodnight.

A little slice of heaven

2009-02-06T19:42:00.001-08:00

Tonight i was scheduled to have both of the kids. However due to Ben being invited to a classmate's Friday evening birthday party, it was just Emily and I for 3 hours.

The downside (one of many) of the current situation is that when i do see the kids i see both of them and no longer get to have one on one time with each of them. I miss it terribly.

I was prepared to do whatever Emily wanted this evening. When i asked her it turned out that her hearts desire was to go to Wendy's (at least a change from Burger King every Monday, Thursday, Monday, Wednesday, Monday etc) plus my perpetually empty wallet breathed a sigh of relief.

We got our food, her's chicken nuggets and oranges, mine a half pound of burger and a side salad (all the calories are in the fries after all) and just talked.

We talked about puppies and frozen pizza and school and forks and Camp Rock and her scribbling all over Ben's "secret" papers in his room (awesome) and more puppies and the list goes on and on. I sat there amazed at the random, ramblings of a 4 year old and was absolutely intoxicated, in love.

I've said it before and i'll say it till i drop. Benjamin James Blackmore and Emily Skye Blackmore are incredible. A slice of heaven come to earth, a blessing that i don't know what i did to deserve but will gladly accept and never want to let go of.

Love it. Goodnight.

Obey this!

2009-02-04T17:52:00.000-08:00

It seems that one of my favorite artists, Shepard Fairey, the genius behind the Obey brand is under fire because he was inspired by an Associated Press photograph of Barrack Obama in the production of his wildly popular hope painting.

I ask, did Campbell's sue Andy Warhol over his famous soup can paintings?

Leave the man alone. He's a genius, it's art. Put your greedy little hands away.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090204/ap_en_ot/obama_poster

Give me a sign

2009-02-04T17:45:00.000-08:00

Isn't this just a little bit funny?! C'mon get a sense of humor!

Here's A Beauty

2009-02-03T09:26:00.000-08:00

Unbelieveable.

http://www.freep.com/article/20090201/COL01/902010414/A+CEO+s+office+decorated+with+greed

Pay your taxes

2009-02-03T09:10:00.000-08:00

I am astounded right now at the parade of candidates for the Obama cabinet who are being tripped up by tax inconsistencies. I don't get it. You're a public figure, obey the law!

I don't understand people who make considerably more money than i do, people who's IRS contribution wouldn't impact the quality of their lifestyle one bit. Basically it's greed.

The same greed and arrogance which makes the hierarchies of industry think it's OK to award themselves billions of dollars in bonuses in a time when Joe Public isn't sure if he can provide for his families basic needs. There's no question that greed may be the #1 reason why we are where we are today. Pathetic.

And that was Monday

2009-01-26T16:31:00.000-08:00

• Tired. Drained.

• Had another big legal pow wow today as part of this ongoing mess. Realizing that the road between what is "right" and what is necessary is a very hard one to travel.

• Talked to my son on the phone who invited me to listen on the phone while he did #2. Really. I thought it was hilarious. Hs mother thought otherwise.

• It's freezing here in Texas and raining. There's a threat of it cooling down even more and leading to an ice storm. Texas is ill prepared to say the least for winter weather and it's safest to stay off the roads completely. Too many large SUV's who think they're invincible. I'm really trying hard not to use the phrase "soccer moms" here!

• Drinking a Michelob Ultra, my beer of choice. And it's healthy. Right?

• My son had communion for the first time at church last night. He called me (and the rest of the world) to tell me and explain what it all meant. He's awesome.

• I LOVE my kids.

Weekend's Over

2009-01-25T12:31:00.000-08:00

Just returned to a way too empty and way too quiet apartment after another fantastic weekend with my children.

We watched movies, we took walks, we played on the Wii (all hail the Wii), we read stories, we ate junk, we talked, we constructed awesome buildings out of old cardboard boxes. Yeah we rocked.

This morning we went to church the afterwards i took the kids for pizza. While sitting at the table, Ben, who's mind is always somewhere other than right here and now, somehow managed to lift the table with his foot. In doing so my large soda managed to find it's way all over the table, and i was annoyed.

Now, normally i wouldn't breathe, i wouldn't count to 10, i'd most likely go off about this is what happens when you don't pay attention (not his first time by a long shot). But at that moment when i was about to go off, time seemed to stand still. I saw a little boy staring right at me waiting to see how this one was going to play out. And it was in that moment the full weight and responsibility of being a father hit me and i saw that what i said next could mess up this amazing kid's entire day. I flashed back to my own father who i can still remember telling me in the times when i'd messed up badly that he was my dad and nothing i could do would stop him from loving me.

And suddenly it was only soda, we had plenty of napkins and after a few moments of Ben and i cleaning it up it was done.

Being a parent comes with great responsibility (and if you're going to give me crap about where my life is, get off now). Children, particularly at this age, rely oh so much on their parents to shape their own self worth. And we (me) as parents can often forget that what comes out of our mouths plays such a huge part in shaping the people they ultimately become.

By the way that was Ben's third major spill this weekend and the one i handled best. I'm still a work in progress too.

Wednesday's Whatevers

2009-01-21T14:57:00.000-08:00

• Tired. I'm always tired. Think the last time i had a decent night's sleep was some time in 2007.

• Work was OK. Still adjusting to a new office.

• Work was OK. Being creative day after day after day is hard work sometimes.

• Found out today JCP is putting a freeze on raises for 2009. But at least i still have a job.

• Still have to remind myself when i see pictures of Barrack Obama everywhere that he's the President. Amazing.

• Passed the 10k mark on legal expenses in this long and ridiculous process. Another big meeting on Monday, i feel sick already.

• Headed out to see my kids in a few minutes. Awesome.

MLK

2009-01-19T17:58:00.000-08:00

http://www.usconstitution.net/dream.html

Yes We Can

2009-01-19T17:14:00.000-08:00

I came to live in the United States permanently in 1995 at the age of 21. I became a citizen of the United States in 2000. I honestly believe that there is no other country in the world quite like it and the opportunities this nation has extended to me are ones which i could never have realized any place else.

And i'm not alone. Throughout the years millions of men and women with hearts full of dreams have flooded this nation in pursuit of a promise, a hope that this is the one place where all of those hopes and dreams and aspirations could come true.

Today marks the unofficial birthday of another man who had a dream. In 1963 amidst one of the darkest chapters in our history Martin Luther King delivered his famous speech calling for an end to the senseless segregation brought about by the ignorance of racism.

Tomorrow the dream of Dr. King and the dreams of the those millions of immigrants see the dawn of a new hope.

It goes without saying that Barrack Obama faces huge obstacles and perhaps an impossible task. But whatever your opinion is about the man who's legacy remains to be written, the fact is he has inspired a nation in the throes of yet another dark chapter, to dream. And while dreams don't fix economies or end wars, it was the dreams of a few men that established this nation in the first place.

Sometimes when all else fails we need to get back to how it all began.

Church Hunter

2009-01-18T12:05:00.000-08:00

So in an ongoing effort to correct a lot of the areas i've let my self go in, I've spent the last several weeks looking for a new church to attend.

Church has always been a huge part of my life, particularly when your Dad is the guy standing at the front. In the last few months however my church attendance hasn't been as regular as it once was.

A couple of factors contributed to this; firstly i felt in light of my situation it was probably the appropriate thing to do to stop attending the church i used to attend with my wife. Also i've really been getting to grips with where the beliefs i've had since i was a kid line up with where i find my life right now. The conclusion that i've come to is that God loves everyone...period. And while God doesn't always like what's going on in our lives (either do i!) it doesn't mean that i'm any less qualified to have a relationship with him than the next guy. Do i stop being my kids' father when they disobey me? OK point made.

So. I visited a church for a couple of Sundays called Legacy Church.

The thing that impressed me most about this place was that firstly it wasn't overly big and showy like a lot of places you'll find down here in the good old Bible Belt.

I walked in the door my first Sunday looking a little lost and was immediately greeted by Matt. Matt as it turns out is an intern at the church and that particular sunday was charged with greeting people. He was very friendly and upbeat but not too much so. Now as someone who's spent most of his life living in New York you learn to have an immediate distrust of anyone who's too friendly and suspect they're after your wallet. Matt wasn't too friendly...just right.

After a few moments of conversation Matt asked me if i had kids. I said yes although they weren't with me that Sunday. He proceeded to give me a full tour of the children's facilities and introduced me to the key children's workers then showed me back to the main worship center just in time for the service to start.

During the service i filled out a visitors card, mainly to see what would happen. The service was good. The band was good and wore jeans (an essential quality). The message was good. All good. The next day i received an email from the Pastor thanking me for visiting and the next day a hand- written note from the pastor with a $5 Starbucks gift card. Sweet. Later that week i received a phone call from the director of the children's area, explaining more about the kid's area and asking if i had any questions. Overall very impressed.

The next week i took the kids there. They loved it and Matt saw me and told me it was great to see me again. Very cool.

Today i visited another church. Another one here in Plano called Grace Community Church. Grace was a bit bigger and a lot more polished. The auditorium was grand and dimly lit so all the focus was on the band (all of whom were dressed in "corporate casual" attire...hmmmm) the light shown, the smoke machine and the three giant video screens which relayed live camera shots of the service. The auditorium was sloped, stadium style with rows of pews (another..hmmmmm). The kids area was incredible from what I saw. McDonald's style climbing structures and slides and props all over the place that looked like they came right from Chuck E. Cheese.

But with all it's slick showy splendor i felt a little lost. They had visitor cards in the back of the pew. I filled one out (to see what happens) but no one actually told me what to do with it. I put it in the collection basket as i saw others doing. Then they also made reference to a visitors "pack" i could pick up at the welcome desk. Exciting. Problems was after 10 minutes of walking around the church i couldn't find the welcome desk. Lot's of little booths promoting various church related activities but no welcome desk. I guess i could have asked someone but as a stranger in crowd of 2000, who wants to do that?

So when it comes down to it, both good churches i'm sure but based on today's experience one thing was missing. No Matt.

Technology is great. Modern communication in church is essential. A great children's program is something every parent is looking for. But if you don't connect with people first is it all worth it?

I'll be going to Legacy Church next week.

Moving...again

2009-01-15T14:48:00.000-08:00

I joined JCPenney in the summer of 2005. I'd spent the previous 10 years working for various apparel related companies in and around New York city.

The companies I'd worked for prior to JCP were all much smaller family owned operations. I'd always preferred the smaller companies for reasons including accessibility of senior management and owners, the fact that people were more than just assets and the fact that it was much easier to impact your assigned area.

Somehow I found myself in 2005 craving the "stability" of a much larger established company.

Tomorrow I'll be moving my office for the 6th time in my 3.5 years at JCP. Six times I've had to pack up my papers, nicknacks and photos in a corporately approved moving box and hope that the contracted moving company will successfully have found my new location the next day.

Six times people in offices I've never visited have looked at a revised seating plan and somehow reached the conclusion that me sitting anywhere from 30 feet away to in a completely different part of the building, would be good for business. Six times myself and my colleagues have been reduced to dots on paper and shuffled around in a sort of weird game that will ultimately lead to selling more socks.

It is and always has been my major issue with corporate America. People aren't people, they're assets, they're tools, they're dots on paper.

Something to be said for working for those smaller guys.

The D Word

2009-01-14T14:56:00.000-08:00

I've gone back and forth with mixed feeling as to whether or not I should address this topic.

The conclusion I've come to is that this is MY blog, this is MY life and if I'm not true to myself and real about my life then it's all pointless.

The fact is that after 9 years of marriage I'm right slap bang in the middle of a divorce.

I'm right slap in the middle of what many of the people who know me have described as a "messy" divorce. But really is there such a thing as a non -"messy" divorce? How can you take a family unit, begin to carve it up and reduce it to a stack of legal documents and a list of "stuff" that each party feels is worth fighting over? Did i really think when i walked down the aisle 9 years ago that one day our whole relationship would be reduced to pots, pans, TVs, furniture and various other crap? Not at all.

Divorce is nothing but "messy"...and expensive and the most drawn out pain you'll ever experience. It hurts when you go to bed at night and it still hurts when you get up the next morning and attempt to live a normal life and take care of your responsibilities in the middle of the mess.

People get really weird too. I've found that those you once considered to be friends can be put in one of three categories:

1. Those who were "friends" and just disappeared when it all started to unravel.

2. Those who remain in your life but are clearly uncomfortable when the topic comes up.

Here's a tip...don't ask me how I am if you don't REALLY want to know!

3. Those who are true friends, who want to be there for you, who ask you the challenging questions, who have and always will go beyond themselves for you.

Unfortunately category #3 is the least populated but I thank God for each one of those people.

Divorce in any situation is "messy" but divorce it where I find myself.

That's my life. If that makes you uncomfortable, read another blog.

Shades of Gray

2009-01-13T15:12:00.000-08:00

As my mother would say,"Hell is listening to your children complain about gray hair". Well sorry mom but i have to.

Throughout the course of my life i've been accused of being a "Typical Blackmore Male" and spending an excessive amount of time in front of the mirror. Whether that be the case or not I guess I do spend quite a bit of time there.

Thing is that while it was once to make sure I looked good for a parade of high school sweethearts or to decide which one of the 5 shirt contenders looked best before I left the house, today it may be for very different reasons.

It's strange to begin to see the signs of age on your face and even more unsettling to see more and more of your hair turning white as the months go by.

According to the fountain of all knowledge that is wikipedia.org my hair is turning white because the stem cells at the root of my hair, called melanocytes are dying and no longer producing melanin. Bummer.

Whatever the case may be i don't like it. But as British humorist P.G. Wodehouse put it,

"There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine." Good old French.

So I guess I'm stuck with it. Seems to work out Ok for the guy in the photo. Right?

The important things

2009-01-11T16:00:00.000-08:00

Just spent a great weekend with my kids. Friday evening in particular created one of those moments you just can't manufacture. The kids were fed, bathed and ready for bed. We lay on my bed a began talking for what was to become oven an hour. The kids asked about the day they were born and with each of them we relived to moments leading up to and including those life changing days.

Ben was born in 2001. He clearly didn't want to come out on his own terms and was eventually yanked out via C-section. Moments after his birth the doctors told us they weren't happy with how he appeared and placed him in the ICU for 3 days of observation. I remember the first time we really met. He was laying there, looking like every other newborn i'd ever seen for the most part. What made Ben unique to me were his eyes, he looked like an "old soul", calm and much more aware than someone one day old should have been. Like his mind was hard and work and he knew things that no one else did. And 7 years later he's still that way.

Emily was born in 2004. the circumstances around her birth almost exactly mimicked Ben's. Once again our first introduction was in an ICU room. However Emily's first hours were a lot different to her brother's. The nurses had warned us that Emily wasn't too happy about the I.V. and the various monitoring wires she'd been subjected to. When I saw her for the first time she was laying on her back with her tiny arms tethered to the bed to prevent any further misbehavior. She was squirming and almost growling with a wild look in her eyes that said, "You can't hold me down, I'll do whatever i want!". Needless to say almost 5 years later Emily is still the free spirit, who walks to the beat of her own drum, she was the first time we met.

I may ways my life at the moment is a far cry from where i'd expected it to be 35 years in. I'd even go so far as to say it may have reached it's lowest point. But all that aside, for an hour on Friday evening, two little pajama clad people reminded me what's really important. Them.

Good stuff.

Music to live by

2009-01-07T15:03:00.000-08:00

I've listened to this song a bazillion times during the last 6 months or so of my life and really connected with it. Kind of speaks for itself. It's called Storm by California based band Lifehouse. It may seem a little dark on the surface but underneath it says a lot.

How long have i been in this storm?

So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form

Water's getting hard to tread

With these waves crashing over my head

If i could just see you

Everything would be alright

If i'd see you

This darkness would turn to light

And i will walk on water

And you will catch me if i fall

And i will get lost in your eyes

I know everything will be alright

I know everything is alright

I know you didn't bring me here to drown

So why am i ten feet under and upside down

Barely surviving has become my purpose

Cause i'm so used to living underneath the surface

If i could just see you

Everything would be alright

If i'd see you

This darkness would turn to light

And i will walk on water

And you will catch me if i fall

And i will get lost in your eyes

And everything will be alright

And i will walk on water

And you will catch me if i fall

And i will get lost in your eyes

And everything will be alright

And i will walk on water

You will catch me if i fall

And i will get lost in your eyes

I know everything will be alright

I know everything is alright

Everything is alright

Recipe for 2009

2009-01-07T10:54:00.000-08:00

A friend at work sent me this today. Good stuff...

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Talk to God about what is going on in your life.
Buy a lock if you must.

3. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement,
'My purpose is to__________ today. I am thankful for______________'

4. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

5. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli , almonds & walnuts.

6. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

7. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts
or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

8. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

9. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

10. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

11. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

12. You are not so important that you have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

13. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

14. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

15. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

16. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'

17. Forgive everyone for everything.

18. What other people think of you is none of your business.

19. GOD heals everything - but you have to ask Him.

20. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

21. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch!!!

22. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

23. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements:
I am thankful for________. Today I accomplished_________.

24. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

25. When you are feeling down, start listing your many blessings. You'll be smiling before you know it.

Yes Wii Can

2009-01-05T17:51:00.000-08:00

I just spent the last couple of hours playing with my son on what was by far his favorite of Santa's offerings this year- a Nintendo Wii. Now as someone who's old enough to remember being awestruck by the Atari video game systems the "rich" kids had when i was growing up, i do find the technology behind the Wii amazing. However when i do strap on my controller and challenge my son to Baseball or Tennis or Bowling i find something far more remarkable...

I can't beat the kid!!!

No matter how hard i try or how much i attempt to mimic the way he stands or holds his controller or swings his arm, i just can't do it! What is it in the DNA of kids or my kid in particular that makes them so effortlessly good at these things?!

As a parent i feel it's my responsibility to teach my son that sometimes in life you win and sometimes you lose. But no matter how much i sweat, strain and try to laugh it off, i can't beat him!

Or am I.....gulp.....getting old?!

I remember as a kid spending hours playing Snooker (distant British relative to pool) with my Dad. I wonder what was really going on there?

2008

2009-01-04T20:21:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow for me marks the unofficial beginning of 2008. It's the day when most of the world myself included returns to work with no remaining vacation days and about 10 pounds of new body fat. 2008 was a rotten year for reasons I have no intention of divulging just yet (2006 and 2007 were mostly crap too thanks too some weird health goings on) I would say overall that during 2008's "excrement" storm however I have learned the most. Here's the top 10 things I've learned in no specific order...

#1. Nothing in life is guaranteed.

#2. People lie (mostly because they're hurt or scared).

#3. Angels DO exist (usually in the form of people).

#4. The single most important thing in the world is people.

#5. The 2 most important people in my world are the 2 I helped create.

#6. Tomorrow is always a much different place than today.

#7. People you think you know better than anyone can still blow your socks off (in a good way).

#8. God's plans for my life cannot be hindered (I've just realized that his plans and mine may well be world's apart)

#9. I absolutely love architecture.

#10. Chips, Salsa and Beer is a great dinner.

Day One

2009-01-04T20:18:00.000-08:00

So here it is. Blogging. What is blogging? I guess it's for people who want to launch their random thoughts out into the farthest reaches of cyberspace and expect that someone will actually give a crap about it. Either that or it's just therapy for me. Either way here goes...