Stress Happens

Someone recently pointed out to me that over the last 3 years of my life i've checked off several of what are commonly known as the major stresses in life. It had never occurred to me.

In some ways i've just come to realize that life isn't always a bed of roses and very often the experiences we go through are just God's way of preparing us for something else or someone else around the corner.

Anyway for some reason i decided a few moments ago to look up the 10 list and they were right.

In about the last 4 years of my life i've gone through a major relocation, followed almost immediately by 2 years of serious health issues, followed by a year long divorce, followed by a large financial "adjustment", followed by another move. That makes 4 (5 if you count both moves) out of the top 10.

And what have i learned? Not quite sure!

I guess i've learned that the same incredible stubbornness thats lead me to ignore almost every conventional means of dealing with stress has also been my salvation. I'm fiercely committed to being the type of person i believe i should be and living the type of life i believe i'm meant to be living. And i'm fiercely determined that those plans and that path will not be altered by the hailstorm of (often man-made) crap which has been raining on me for a few years now. Of course thats not to say that every day of the last 48 months has been a study in overcoming life's challenges!

By the way i've also learned that the next time one of the top 10 comes my way i'm hiring a full time therapist, doing yoga, ordering a case of Xanax and living in church!

Stress happens.

Boy's Night

Tonight was a good night. No. Tonight was a great night.

It began when i went to pick up the kids from their mom and found that she was babysitting 3 little girls who are some of Emily's closest friends. That was it. She wanted to stay with them and i wasn't about to crush a little 5 year old's heart in the name of adhering to a court ordered schedule, so we had a boy's night, just the two of us.

I told Ben we could go to dinner wherever he wanted, any restaurant anywhere, it didn't matter to me. So we ate at Burger King. The draw of a cheaply made Chinese toy in a brown paper sack is a powerful thing!

We ordered ice-cream sundaes to go and headed back to my place, loud rock music blasting from the car speakers again at Ben's request.

We ordered a pay-per-view movie, Superman Returns and settled back to watched the caped one battle the forces of evil once again.

For a moment during the movie, with my son's head on my chest, there was no place i'd rather have been. It was awesome.

The movies was about 2 and half hours long. It ended and all was going well as i settled Ben into bed. Then it happened...

Out of the corner of my eye i saw a lonely little stuffed bulldog sitting on the floor, next to it a crumpled pink nightgown and a few bricks of Lego. It's been great to spend an evening with Ben and we'll have a fantastic day tomorrow but there's something missing; my tenderhearted, mischievous angel with dirty wings. I miss my little girl.

In every dark cloud that's inhabited my sky in the last year, God painted two bright shining silver linings and tonight i miss one of them very much.

Back in the saddle again

• Apparently the previous post about a very cool table is "annoying" to some cheeky git who's apparently interested in my musings so here's a new post (Dad).

• Back at work today after a week of vacation and about 8 or 9 days with my awesome children. I'd be lying if i said i didn't like the industry i work in and after what's approaching 14 years doing pretty much the same job with slight variations, I'm happy that i can truthfully say i still enjoy it. Of course i could live without the almost daily politics that come with corporate culture.

• The time spent with the kids was great. Simple as that. Challenging as anytime spent with a 5 and 7 year old can be at times but overall wonderful. Of course it only pisses me off more to think that one of the lies propagated by a small minded few was that i've somehow pursued a life apart from my children which i believe to be more "fun". Time with my kids is the most precious thing in the world to me and a lot of fun!

• Got an email from my lawyer today which immediately sent chills down my spine. Once i'd summoned the courage to actually open it i was relieved to read that she just wanted to say hello and see how i was doing. Funny.

• Favorite Local Charity continues to hint at poverty while all external signs seem to point more towards excess. Also funny.

• The clocks ticking down towards closing on my house and leaving this palatial one-bedroom penthouse which i've called home for over a year now. I shall deeply miss my downstairs neighbor who gets her panties in a wad if i do more than tiptoe around my abode. Hope the next residents are troupe of acrobats. I am devilishly looking forward to the day the movers come in a coupe of weeks and start moving furniture down the stairs. Maybe her angry little head will just explode.

• Ben and Emily start their new school tomorrow. I'd be lying if i said it didn't hurt a bit to not be there when they leave home. I have learned however during the last year to do my utmost to milk every little drop of joy and fun and love out of the times we do spend together which in many ways is much more fulfilling than the broken situation we lived in before.

• I did go with the kids to their school this evening and meet their teachers. They both seemed a little reserved and quiet but i know they're the kind of kids who will not only adapt to their new surroundings but thrive in them.

• I've completed the to-do list of things i needed to set up or buy for the new house. The best part was working with the kids to get all the bits and pieces for their new rooms. They both ended up with rock-themed bedding. My kids, like their father, love music. I've dreamed for the last year of working back to the place where i could be in a house and the kids could have their own rooms. September 10th (closing day) will be a huge milestone and i'll enter the new place knowing that this is something i've worked for, sweated for, saved for, worried about, lost sleep over, cried about and dreamed about for 12 long months. There's something to be said for avoiding the silver platter route and accomplishing something on your own. Good stuff.

Drippy

This table is just cool. Great design.

Tuesday

Wow it's been a while although i'm not exactly sure how long as i managed to disable the date at the top of each post and can't figure out how to get it back.



~Just realized it's actually Wednesday but can't be bothered to change the picture. Tuesday was spent at home on the couch with some unexplained "gastric issues" although the salad bar at good old JCP is looking mighty guilty. Monday's lettuce offering seemed a tad old and limp.

~So sold the house. Used some of the proceeds to pay off what was left of my legal debt from the last year. Fortunately had paid the majority of it throughout the year thanks to good old fashioned tightening of the belt. Gave a chunk to my favorite local charity and now have a bit left to buy a new place.

~An incredible amount of money was robbed from my children's future during the last year to ensure an outcome which had been an the cards from the beginning. Some people just like fighting.

~I'm discovering that my home-buying money goes a lot further 20 minutes away from the office as opposed to 5 minutes away from the office.

~I love India. I love Indian people. I LOVE Indian food. But why, when i'm trying to pay off a credit card, do i have to be transferred to one of these awesome people overseas who is having trouble communicating with me in the only language i speak?

~Been inundated with questions about a series of photos i posted on Facebook recently. Do i need to spell it out? I think i can get on with life now.

~Thanks to summer scheduling I don't see the kids for another 10 days which sucks. I still find a system which was put in place to combat the "deadbeat" element to be seriously lacking.

~I'm officially over yet another Texas summer. SInce i've lived here every summer seems hotter than the previous one. We seem to have had tones of 100+ days lately and for a prissy little girl like me who doesn't like being all sweaty and smelly it's torture!

~About to start the Fall season of development at JCP. It's the biggest chunk of work we do in the year and the most entertaining on account of the scores of people who lose their flipping minds over the color of a $6 tee shirt or the placement of a button. But i'm just old and jaded.

~Found a book of poetry i wrote around the age of 16 when moving things out of the old house. It's 98% about girls, it's dark and it will definitely be getting posted on here!

~My sister did something incredibly thoughtful for me and the kids a couple of weeks ago, right after my mom spent several days in TX watching my kids while i had to work. I have perhaps the most amazing (not the most perfect) family on earth.

~And thats about all i can think of for now

Prepare the way!

Tomorrow's a big day.

Tomorrow morning my two favorite people arrive in the form of my children followed a few hours later by our special guest from New York, my mom.

I've spent the last couple of days, dusting, vacuuming, cleaning out, scrubbing, de-gunking and of course stocking my pantry so that mom's food selection is a little broader than beer and chips. I've bought tea and milk, the kind of bread she eats and oatmeal, and ingredients that will hopefully make real grown up meals.

I've even hung the shelf in my bedroom that's been leaning against the wall for a month and bought one of those extra-long chains for the bedroom ceiling fan so she doesn't have to get up to adjust it.

I mentioned my activities to someone at work who suggested that my mom must be quite demanding. I had to laugh. She isn't.

But you see for as long as I can remember this amazing woman has sacrificially done everything in her power to make my life the best it could be, from changing my diapers to verbally kicking me in the butt when i've needed it (and continues to do so).

So some clean sheets and her tea are the least I could do.

Resession Obsession

So this weekend was hot. I mean really hot. Like surface of the sun hot where after fifteen seconds outdoors your inner thighs start to get clammy and that "less than fresh" feeling takes over. You know what I'm talking about.

That being said I decided that my personal path to freshness meant spending as little time outside as possible and so my couch and I spend some quality moments together this weekend.

I'm getting to a point in my life where I'm OK with "vegging". I'm not terribly good at it and do get antsy or feel guilty as there are more productive things I could be doing but it's work in progress and a great alternative to sweaty inner thighs.

Anyhoo...

Being on the couch more that usual of course meant watching TV more than usual which was fun for a while. Problem is I just found myself becoming increasingly pissed off at the pure volume of recession based commercials!

The sheer hypocrisy of the "we understand times are hard, we know you have no money, have lost your job, your car and your house" but if you give us what little money you have left we'll give you some crap you don't need at a slightly reduced price. Drove me nuts. Seriously if I hear the phrase "in times like these" again I'll scream!

I was going to say I'd throw the TV out of the window but then I'd have to go take advantage of Best Buy's recession savings now wouldn't I?

It's a funny world.