It's almost Christmas

Most of us could compose a long list of those memorable quotes we pick up along the way throughout our journey. Things like, "It's better to give than receive" or "It's not whether you win or lose it's how you play the game". You know the kind of thing.

However from my experience there are only a few definable moments in life when these quotes make the 12 inch journey from head to heart and actually become real.

I'm having one of those moments today.

I've heard all of my life that Christmas isn't about the presents and the food and the 24 hours of A Christmas Story on TBS. I've heard all of my life that Christmas is about family and that's taken 36 years and a set of circumstances I don't need to explain to really hit home.

On December the 25th my calenday said Christmas day and I spent it with a wonderful family who invited me to share their Chrsitmas. But is wasn't really my Christmas Day. On December 25th I opened presents, ate some incredible food, watched A Christmas Story on TBS and then ate some more. But it wasn't really my Christmas Day. On December 25th I spoke with my kids who were in New York and heard stories of Santa and stockings and snow. But it wasn't really my Christmas Day.

Tonight I'll drive to DFW airport to pick up the entire New York component of my family, and of course my children. Tomorrow will be Christmas eve and we'll hang stockings, begin eating and try and get the kids to sleep using threats and manipulation based on a fictitious fat man in a red and white suit. Then on the December the 30th it will finally be Christmas Day and all of the people I care about most in the the world will be in one place at one time and I don't care what happens after that because that right there is magical. That right there is Christmas.

You see while Christmas is many things to many people, the one, single most important thing for me at Christmas is being with people you love whatever day you choose to do that. It's taken me 36 years and a very hard journey to get that but i think i finally have.

Merry Christmas.

Thursday again

It's flipping freezing here in the great state of Texas. Last night's low temperature in Aubrey (where I live) was 15 degrees. That's crazy! Anyway, Thursday thoughts, no particular order, off we go...

• Did I mention it's cold.

• Finally got some festive decoration outside the house. Simple tasteful white lights on the 2 large bushes. now lets see if the kids even notice.

• Very grateful to my parents that they taught me things like basic manners, tact, consideration of others. Thats all I'm saying about that.

• Looking forward to a weekend with the kids which of course begins tonight. Emily has requested that we do some baking and I shall attempt to comply. Ben has requested that the world leave him the hell alone so he can play his DS and not listen to the booooring words coming out of your mouth. Just kidding.

• Have a growing list of things I need to get in preparation for Christmas including the practical items for my houseguests. Top item on the list is pillows. Today mum added coffee maker to her list of "absolutely necessesary items I really have to get before she comes at Christmas otherwise the world will end". The list now includes 2 items. The other is a gravy boat.

• I love my mother. She's so probingly direct. Thats all I'm saying about that one too.

• Kinda sorta half thinking about getting a dog in the New Year. Probably won't because if I'd followed every whim I've had in the last month I'd be sporting a large full mustache, have legally changed my name to Clint, have an ATM sign tattooed on my forehead and several people would be dead.

• Still waiting for my sinuses to clear out and this tickly cough to go away. Something tells me in this weather I'll be waiting a while.

• And that was a Thursday. Peace.

Storms

I was just going through some files on my computer and came across a video I made in 2006 after a year of battling health problems. Speaks for itself really...

Thursday Thoughts (by category)

METEOROLOGICAL

It's flipping freezing here in Texas, currently about 34 degrees with an overnight low in the 20s. Meanwhile New York enjoyed a balmy 65 degree day today. Thats just wrong.

FINANCIAL

My heat has been running non-stop since I got home from work. Something tells me my winter electric bills will be a big old dose of reality.

MUSICAL

Downloaded a song called You'll Carry Me by Michelle Margiotta a few days ago. It really struck a chord (pun very much intended) with me. I've always found music to be a great refuge when life gets nuts. I've never actually met Michelle but she's been helping out at Church at The Movies new Mastic campus and I hear she's doing a great job.

INSPIRATIONAL

The best defense against the disappointment of unfulfilled expectations is a plan B.
That's an original. Well actually it's a paraphrase of something my therapist said to me recently but I'm claiming it as mine.

ANGELICAL

The way my sleeping children looked when I checked on them a few minutes ago. I love having them under my roof and treasure the times they're here. Oh and I know it's "angelic" but I'm working on something creative here!

SEASONAL

Talked to my dad and my sister today regarding their visit to Texas at Christmas. I won't completely re-write my Thanksgiving post but the thought of having my family around my table in my house for a holiday is almost too incredible to describe in words. There were times in the last couple of years of my life when I honestly never thought I'd be where I am today. It's amazing and I am ridiculously blessed.

POLITICAL

How can an individual who's been in a job for 1 year be criticized for having a challenging time in cleaning up a mess that took another individual 8 years to make? Give the guy a chance people.

AGRICULTURAL

I bought a hedge trimmer and sculpted the two large bushes at the front of my house. The next step is to adorn them with Christmas lights in honor of the season (white of course, I only do white lights). Simple elegance is what I'm going for. I'll let the people down the street do the gaudy, cluster of inflatables and flashy things. My kids of course LOVE their house but I'm sure they'll be equally as impressed with daddy's simple elegance. Yeah right.

DENTAL

Emily has her first loose tooth. She's experiencing emotions ranging from excitement that a mythical fairy is going to come into her room at night and leave cash under her pillow to shear terror that part of her is going to fall out possible involving pain and blood. I personally think the notion of a fairy coming into my room at night and messing with my pillows sounds much more terrifying. Ben is of course playing the role of supportive big brother as only Ben can and telling her it will "really hurt".

MARSUPIAL

A Kangaroo.

That's about all I've got. Happy Thursday.

Head Health

Tuesday's have become an interesting day. A little over a month ago I decided that my efforts to overcome the raging ocean of thoughts and emotions swirling around my head, weren't working. With that in mind I decided to seek professional help. Since Lobotomies are apparently frowned upon these days I found myself a therapist.

This is a very big step for me as I generally believe that whatever the issue is I can fix it myself. I can't. It's not working. And if God had intended for us to be entirely self sufficient we'd all be living on our own little planet in a very crowded yet very lonely universe.

So Tuesday is my therapy day.

I'd kind of expected to go in there and tell her what's been going on in my life for the past few years and for her to slap a big band-aid on it all and that would be that. It has been however a very different experience and what I've appreciated about the woman is that she doesn't just want to band-aid issues but she wants to get to the root of them and correct the behaviors, habits, hurts, hang-ups and history which can often set us up for disappointments regardless of where life goes.

So Tuesday is my therapy day.

And so the rest of Tuesday often has this weird feeling. It's like when you have 3 days of nausea and you know you're getting sick, then finally the moment comes, you feel it climbing up the back of your throat, you run for the nearest toilet and hurl. You feel better, but for a moment, pre-flush, you're left staring at this pile of mostly mystery, stomach trash, thinking, "Ew...that was inside me?" That's kind of how my post therapy Tuesdays are.

So Tuesday is my therapy day.

And a month in it's probably the best decision I've made in a while. Hurt does not just go away. It rots and festers and eventually consumes the carrier. I'm not there yet but I am determined to get it all out. Even if I have to stick my fingers down my throat.