They don't rock

The teenage Disney sensation known as the Jonas Brothers released their latest marketing offering of drivel this weekend in the form of Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience.

My daughter Emily who's a month shy of her 5th birthday is a huge fan, which speaks volumes for their "music".

I felt a trip to this cinematic masterpiece would be an opportunity for me to score huge daddy points but thankfully i have TWO children.

This morning i asked the kids if they'd like to take a trip to the movie theater and see this work of art and was fully prepared to endure a couple of hours of 3 overly styled kids in tight jeans trying to sing.

Thankfully in the spirit of democracy it had to be something that both kids wanted to do. Emily of course was very enthusiastic at the thought of watching her idols wail. Ben on the other had thought about it for a moment and in a way only Ben can, delivered the response in all seriousness...

"But Dad, they just don't rock".

Awesome.

Emily wasn't too bothered and we managed to fill our day with other activities and Dad managed to avoid wasting $40 on the aforementioned crap. And a good day was had by all.

Caught in the middle

So i've been having some issues for the last few days, going to the bathroom a lot, some weird discomfort down in the happy places...stuff like that.

This morning I finally went to the doctor and after trying to fit the contents of my bladder into a thimble and the the indescribable joy of a Prostate exam, the doctor informed me that I have a Prostate infection.

Puzzled I asked the doctor what would cause such a condition. The doctor asked about the nature of what I do and I informed him that I spend a lot of time sitting in front of a computer. To which the good doctor responded...

"Prostate infections are quite common in middle aged men who spend a lot of time sitting"

I almost fell off my chair. Not because my rear end was still throbbing from it's latex clad digit violation. But rather beacause he lumped me in with people who are middle aged!!!!!I'm 35 for goodness sake!!!

No either I am seriously kidding myself or Dr. Digit was a bit liberal with the age range associated with middle age.

Right?????

Turning the clock back

I work with a bunch of twentysomethings and find it really odd when they make jokes about my age. I still see myself as a very young person.

Got to thinking today what i would do differently if i could turn the clock back 10 years. So here's my list in no particular order...

• Eat more healthy foods

• Exercise more regularly

• Say "no" more often

• Take time to make big decisions

• Take more risks

• Put the purpose of what i do before the rewards for what i do

• Make time for creativity

• Learn Spanish

• See more of the world

• Invest more time in quality relationships

• Read more of the Bible

• Form a band

• Take professional voice lessons

• Learn to cook

• Be more vulnerable

Wednesday Ramblings

• Took a mandatory Inclusion and Diversity class at work today. It was conducted in a roundtable group format. My favorite moment was when one of the guys in my group, probably aged 50+, was presented with a scenario where a transgendered customer needs to use a fitting room in a JCP store. The gentleman's suggestion was that they be offered the use of the handicapped fitting room. Priceless.

• Work is OK. Currently designing tons of plaids and stripes which isn't the most creatively stimulating job in the world but has to be done ahead of the more creative work.

• Got a text from my parents in India today. They're about to start the grueling journey home.

• Have to hand over my house key, garage door openers to you know who today. All because i asked for my only spare car key incase i were to be locked out for some reason. The tit for tat attitude got old a LONG time ago. But in the spirit of being the better person...whatever.

• I'm legally not allowed in my own house until this is finalized upon said person's request. I agreed to it purely to keep the process moving forward. My kids need this situation to end, said person needs to grow up.

• Off to see my amazing kids in a few. My guess is we'll end up in Burger King. I know I'm getting old because fast food really doesn't appeal to me in the slightest any more!

• The weather in TX is in the high 70's and beautiful. Meant to hit 80 tomorrow. But knowing Texas it could be in the 30s by the weekend!

And then it was quiet

Te kids just left.

It's amazing how my place went from a flurry of activity and sound and energy to absolutely still in an instant.

They really are my #1 source of joy, hope and motivation. I miss them terribly already.

OK off to find something to keep myself busy!

More AAR

It's interesting (at least for me) to see how the All American Rejects have provided a little bit of a soundtrack for what's been going on in my life.

Six months ago the song Straightjacket Feeling from their 2005 album Move Along had a huge amount of content i could relate to and i listened to it to death.

Right now Gives You Hell from their latest album describes to a tee where my head/life/situation is at and is subsequently featured heavily on my iPod playlist.

Check out the lyrics if you're interested here.

Remember it's my life and if it makes you uncomfortable, well, imagine living it every day.

Music to live by

Just bought the new All American Rejects album When The World Comes Down. Good stuff. Worth a listen.

Reality

Getting a little tired of putting on a brave face, just walking it through, being the better person and a thousand other ways i've been advised to cope. Here's a little more of my reality...

A symphony of ignorance plays sweetly in my head

A recipe of agony topped off with words unsaid

I wear a suit of absolutes an undershirt of fear

Sleep in a house of solitude on beds so insincere

 

Perhaps this road gets easier

Perhaps it has no end

Maybe a plan much larger waits

Maybe I’ll just pretend

To wear a mask of happiness

Over my shirt of fear

And laugh at swirling ignorance

With road’s end drawing near

 

My golden blue-eyed dreamers lay still in distant lands

While I in lonely torment lay, their tears upon my hands

Their words so sweet and innocent cut through my broken heart

Which bleeds upon my hopes and dreams returning me to start

 

Perhaps this road gets easier

Perhaps it has no end

Maybe a plan much larger waits

Maybe I’ll just pretend

To wear a mask of happiness

Over my shirt of fear

And laugh at swirling ignorance

With road’s end drawing near

 

The start paved with blank pages a story not yet told

While dreams cascaded all around I looked for one to hold

A maker who has formed me and carries me today

Who sweeps up broken pieces and fixes disarray

 

Perhaps this road gets easier

Perhaps it never will

And yet my steps remain

With each new looming hill

I’ll fight a war for happiness

Embrace a badge of fear

Own every broken piece of me

Shattered, alone but here

Facebook

Six or seven months ago i got in touch with an old friend in England who i hadn't seen or talked to in years. My friend introduced me to Facebook and after just a couple of weeks i was hooked. It was incredibly entertaining and intriguing to connect with people all over the world who had been a part of my life at various points along the way and especially intriguing to see what they look like now!

A couple of months ago i got word from a very reliable source that parties close to the other person involved in my messy current situation had been accessing my Facebook page and pulling off pictures of me living my life (spending time with friends, going to art galleries etc) and trying to use the pictures as proof of me...well...living my life. I decided that it would be best to disable my page and not give any ammunition to the morons who's lives are so empty that they with to inflict additional pain on an already painful situation.

Today i decided that they can go and do things a polite British born man can't actually put in type and i have plans to re-activate my page.

I've learned that however sad and unfair it may seem, there are always going to be those who are quick to judge based on biased facts, quick to pile on when their input is neither welcome nor valued and generally add fuel to a fire for a sick, sensationalist thrill. Sad.

So back to Facebook.

In other news my situation continues to drag. I've always believed that a swift resolution is the best thing for all involved especially the two people i hold dearest. However shortsightedness and plain old greed are powerful motivating factors in this game of two sides.

I won't write any more. Have a nice evening.

Yeah, but you still can't sing...

Way to go Kenny, here's something to be really proud of.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29186452/

Pass the Penicillin.

Hey aren't famous singers supposed to have the ability to sing? Or is that just me?

Run Down

So our neighborhood obsessive toy cleaner just returned in his big black shiny truck from one of our local fast food "restaurants" with a bucket full of Dr. Pepper or something. Now, clad only in a tank top (vest, for our European audience) he's walking round and round the vehicle inspecting every inch of it and polishing random parts with a big blue rag. My favorite moment was when another, louder than it needs to be, big black truck rumbled by. Our obsessive cleaner froze and stared down the other truck. I was just waiting for him to jump in his truck and start a revving frenzy. Turn off your TV's folks, the entertainment is right outside your window. Anyway, i digress....

So, run down.

I went to the doctor this week having felt life crap for several weeks now. I've been very tired, achy, lethargic etc. and being a typical dude decided to let it go for a while to see if i felt better.

The doctor took my blood pressure, temperature, swabbed my nose for Flu (which felt really weird and made my eyes water) listened to my lungs and even drew some blood. Any way the result of all that was nothing. We talked about my life and i said i was having trouble sleeping, which would be easy except for the fact i have these incredibly deep thoughts every time my head makes contact with the pillow.

So the verdict was that I'm "very run down" and was given some Lunesta to help me sleep.

OK so here's the deal. Firstly sleeping pills scare the crap out of me. I don't want to get to a place where i think i won't be able to sleep without popping a pill. Actually most pills scare the crap out of me. And being someone who spent 2 years of my life taking loads of drugs for a condition doctors "thought" i had, i'd much rather not take anything. Secondly, what the heck is "run down"?

According to the all knowing brainiacs at wikipedia its a predicament a baseball player can find himself in when stranded between bases OR perhaps a rather forgettable movie from 2003 starring the Rock or is that The Rock?

Now i know its a phrase we all use but just what does "run down" mean?

Answers on a postcard please.

Boys and their Toys

Having taken advantage of one of the 10 "Flex" (half day) Fridays which JCP offers their employees per year, i've been sitting at my computer at home catching up on so bits and pieces.

My desk faces a window and i've become quite fascinated with what's going on at one of the fancy apartments with an attached garage across the way.

A guy who looks younger than me, who's obviously "flexing" today too has spent hours cleaning a fleet of vehicles. Now it may be the case that this particular resident has opened up an car detailing service from his home and i was the last to know. However it seems a lot more likely that this man has a lot of toys.

In the last couple of hours i have seen a very large, black, huge wheeled Ford pick up truck being buffed. I've seen a sporty black Ford Mustang being polished. I've seen a white Jeep Wrangler getting the treatment. Oh and a motorcycle and quad have also made appearances!

Do you need all that stuff?!

Now as someone who drives a "sports" car i do tread this path carefully but it is a sports car, not 3 of them.

And i will confess that I've been terribly guilty in the last 14 years, since i've been earning a regular paycheck, of flirting with the attitude that i must have shiny, sparkly things to show for my labours.

(By the way he's now revving the big truck very loudly, i guess not enough people have noticed his assets yet.)

Thing is at my ripe old age, and in my delightful situation, i'm just beginning to learn that "stuff" doesn't really matter a heck of a lot, in fact it can create a lot of problems. Yes you can still learn things in your 30's. What matters most in life  are things like honor, respect, the love of your children, honesty, justice, generosity and the list could go on and on.

When i leave this planet the sum total of the accumulated things which i can bring with me is zero. And even if i leave them behind for others they'll eventually rust and decay. But there are certain things i can leave behind with others, especially my children, which are timeless and can be passed on from person to person indefinitely without losing their value.

Think someone once wrote a book with a lot of this stuff in it....

So the next time you see me trying to have stuff for the sake of having stuff. Do me a favor.

Slap me.

Tired

Ever been tired?

Ever been so tired that just about everything pissed you off? The wind, your shoes, other drivers, the tone of someone's voice, the pen that never works.

Ever been so tired that your head aches, you feel like throwing up, your chest is tight and you start to doze off just thinking about you bed?

Well thats how i feel right now.

See i'm not one of those people who can get a few hours and function at my best. In order to be all that i can be i need my 8 hours and it needs to be a quality 8 hours. And naps? Forget naps, they don't work for me. They just make me even more tired and less able to function.

It began Friday evening. I put the kids to bed and followed them a couple of hours. I'd hoped to avoid being tired when they woke up, usually around 7 (regardless of what time they go to bed).

Friday evening however life had other plans. Emily was awake on and off for most of the night with a fever. I gave her medicine but she eventually ended up in bed with me tossing and turning all night. And of course at 7 Ben was wide awake and raring to go.

Saturday evening i got the kids in bed and at 9:30 decided to go there myself. It didn't work, i just couldn't fall asleep my mind started whirring out of control every time i closed my eyes. And as much as i tried every method of relaxation i could think of, i still saw 3am come and go. And the kids were up at 7.

Last night i made the awful mistake of having a dinner of pasta in a rich tomato sauce. To a person who has an acid reflux issue (which i'm still in denial about) tomato sauce is perhaps one of the worst things i could have eaten. And it hit me. And it hit me hard. For sometime during the night i was in the bathroom spitting up foul tasting stomach acid which decided to rear it's ugly head every time i attempted to lay down or sleep sitting up. And the alarm announce the beginning of a new work week at 7.

So today i'm tired. Tonight i shall get in early and hopefully get caught up. I hope. Goodnight.

A little slice of heaven

Tonight i was scheduled to have both of the kids. However due to Ben being invited to a classmate's Friday evening birthday party, it was just Emily and I for 3 hours.

The downside (one of many) of the current situation is that when i do see the kids i see both of them and no longer get to have one on one time with each of them. I miss it terribly.

I was prepared to do whatever Emily wanted this evening. When i asked her it turned out that her hearts desire was to go to Wendy's (at least a change from Burger King every Monday, Thursday, Monday, Wednesday, Monday etc) plus my perpetually empty wallet breathed a sigh of relief.

We got our food, her's chicken nuggets and oranges, mine a half pound of burger and a side salad (all the calories are in the fries after all) and just talked.

We talked about puppies and frozen pizza and school and forks and Camp Rock and her scribbling all over Ben's "secret" papers in his room (awesome) and more puppies and the list goes on and on. I sat there amazed at the random, ramblings of a 4 year old and was absolutely intoxicated, in love.

I've said it before and i'll say it till i drop. Benjamin James Blackmore and Emily Skye Blackmore are incredible. A slice of heaven come to earth, a blessing that i don't know what i did to deserve but will gladly accept and never want to let go of.

Love it. Goodnight.

Obey this!

It seems that one of my favorite artists, Shepard Fairey, the genius behind the Obey brand is under fire because he was inspired by an Associated Press photograph of Barrack Obama in the production of his wildly popular hope painting.

I ask, did Campbell's sue Andy Warhol over his famous soup can paintings?

Leave the man alone. He's a genius, it's art. Put your greedy little hands away.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090204/ap_en_ot/obama_poster

Give me a sign

Isn't this just a little bit funny?! C'mon get a sense of humor!

Here's A Beauty

Unbelieveable.

http://www.freep.com/article/20090201/COL01/902010414/A+CEO+s+office+decorated+with+greed

Pay your taxes

I am astounded right now at the parade of candidates for the Obama cabinet who are being tripped up by tax inconsistencies. I don't get it. You're a public figure, obey the law!

I don't understand people who make considerably more money than i do, people who's IRS contribution wouldn't impact the quality of their lifestyle one bit. Basically it's greed.

The same greed and arrogance which makes the hierarchies of industry think it's OK to award themselves billions of dollars in bonuses in a time when Joe Public isn't sure if he can provide for his families basic needs. There's no question that greed may be the #1 reason why we are where we are today. Pathetic.