Tales From the Crapper

I've heard from a couple of sources recently that people actually read this and a great multitude are eagerly awaiting my next installment of wisdom. Little do these people know that telling someone with the last name of Blackmore that you're remotely interested in what they're saying is like telling and Anorexic that they could lose a few pounds. The mind boggles but anyway...

So I recently took the plunge and moved out of the box I was living in and purchased a house in the well known rural homestead of Aubrey Texas.

One of the main differences between most of the houses I was familiar with in New York and the houses I've lived in in Texas is found in the master bedroom. If you're lucky enough to have your own exclusive "en suite" bathroom it generally has a special room within a room reserved solely for the porcelain throne or crapper.

And if you're ever lucky enough to enter my master crapper you'll find that as you're sitting there doing what nature requires us all to do, there are 3 picture frames hanging on the wall directly in front of you. This is no accident because I know for sure that on a daily basis or sometimes twice daily, depending on my fiber intake and certain Jewish holidays, I will find myself sitting there and the wall in front of me will have my full attention.

So here's my bathroom viewing...

1- There's a copy of a poster issued by the British government during WW2 which contains the simple phrase "Keep Calm and Carry On". It was hanging in an identical spot in my former residence and in a manner which only the Brits can do, has actually helped me a great deal during the last year of my life. The sky is falling, the bombs are dropping, tally ho, bangers and mash, fish and chips, stiff upper lip and get on with life.

2- There's a framed copy of Psalm 91, given to me by my awesome Mum a few years ago when I was facing a mountain of uncertainty and concern with serious health related issues. I don't have the whole thing memorized but love the opening lines...

"He who dwells in the shelter of the most High

Will rest in the shadow of the Almighty

I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust"

3- There's another framed passage from the bible. this time from Proverbs 30. I remember sitting in church last year right in the middle of the stress of divorce, facing tremendous financial hardship and a hailstorm of lies and accusations. The guy speaking read these words and I knew it was destined to be framed in the crapper...

"Two things I ask of you O Lord

Do not refuse me before I die:

Keep falsehood and lies far from me;

give me neither poverty nor riches

but give me only my daily bread."

It doesn't hurt to choose some words to live by and remind ourselves of those daily. It doesn't hurt to keep those words in a place where we'll see them often. In my case it's the crapper. Nature calls. Goodnight.