Head Health

Tuesday's have become an interesting day. A little over a month ago I decided that my efforts to overcome the raging ocean of thoughts and emotions swirling around my head, weren't working. With that in mind I decided to seek professional help. Since Lobotomies are apparently frowned upon these days I found myself a therapist.

This is a very big step for me as I generally believe that whatever the issue is I can fix it myself. I can't. It's not working. And if God had intended for us to be entirely self sufficient we'd all be living on our own little planet in a very crowded yet very lonely universe.

So Tuesday is my therapy day.

I'd kind of expected to go in there and tell her what's been going on in my life for the past few years and for her to slap a big band-aid on it all and that would be that. It has been however a very different experience and what I've appreciated about the woman is that she doesn't just want to band-aid issues but she wants to get to the root of them and correct the behaviors, habits, hurts, hang-ups and history which can often set us up for disappointments regardless of where life goes.

So Tuesday is my therapy day.

And so the rest of Tuesday often has this weird feeling. It's like when you have 3 days of nausea and you know you're getting sick, then finally the moment comes, you feel it climbing up the back of your throat, you run for the nearest toilet and hurl. You feel better, but for a moment, pre-flush, you're left staring at this pile of mostly mystery, stomach trash, thinking, "Ew...that was inside me?" That's kind of how my post therapy Tuesdays are.

So Tuesday is my therapy day.

And a month in it's probably the best decision I've made in a while. Hurt does not just go away. It rots and festers and eventually consumes the carrier. I'm not there yet but I am determined to get it all out. Even if I have to stick my fingers down my throat.