...and away

Had an excellent day with the kids today. I'm tired, i'm sunburnt but thoroughly satisfied.

One of the highlights of the day was a trip to see the new animated offering from Disney/Pixar called Up.

Now despited what several reviews and people who've seen it say, i really liked it, as did the kids.

I thought the message of the movies was great. It basically told the story of two men who at the twilight of their lives were both driven by one goal and despite having this in common they couldn't be more different. Anyway don't want to ruin it.

So here's what i learned from Up...

• We're only given one shot at this thing called life so pursue what matters to you.

• Don't become so fixated on one goal, plan or direction that it consumes you and you miss out on all of the "unscheduled" adventures along the way.

• Write your plans in pencil

During the on-boarding (brainwashing) my first day with JCP, almost 4 years ago, i met a guy by the name of Larry. I knew Larry was destined for design as he was in his 50's, wore long, curly hair in a "bun" on the back of his head and was sporting a seersucker blazer. As things turned out Larry was actually to be my boss.

About a year later, while beginning to have health problems of my own, Larry started to get sick too. After various tests he announced to the team that he had cancer, terminal cancer. In fact it was at a stage where he only had 3-6 months to live.

I remember sitting with Larry in his office during what would have been his last few weeks at work. I felt a little awkward, i mean what do you say to someone who's dying? Sorry? So that's what i did, i just said "I'm really sorry." Seemed a little inadequate but it's about the best i had.

Larry went on to explain to me that he wasn't sorry. Sure he was disappointed but he had a real peace about what lay before him. Now before you take the offering, no, we're not going there. Put the weird velvet bag with the "horn" handles away. Anyhoo, i digress...

What Larry said was that in his fifty-something years on the planet he'd seen the world, he'd met some amazing people, he'd experienced some incredible things, he'd lived a full life and he had no regrets.

Wow.

Larry died within a few months.

I still think about that short conversation a lot. I think about being in my 50's and being content. Not becoming complacent or giving up. Just living in a place where i could, if i got that news, be happy with the path behind me.

And thats that. Fifteen bucks for movie tickets. Eleven bucks for drinks (smuggled in the candy). And a whole lot of deep thinking.

A new chapter

Tomorrow morning i have an early appointment at the 16th courthouse of Denton. After a brief visit and a couple of signatures i won't be married any more.

Tomorrow marks the conclusion of a year i can only describe as hell. A year in which i've been lied about, misrepresented and slandered. A year in which i've seen two incredible children used as pawns to extort and blackmail for financial gain. A year in which i've seen friends who couldn't see beyond their single-mindedness just disappear.

But i've also seen true friends who didn't always approve or understand rise to become angels. I've seen a family, my family, see beyond personal hurts and love unconditionally on BOTH sides of the situation. I've watched two incredible children adapt to the new shape of their lives. I've seen almost miraculous provision right when i needed it most. And while some have plainly put tried to destroy me i've seen a man in the mirror who's stayed the course, restructured his values and has never, ever been alone.

So at the dawn of a new chapter i pledge to never take what God has given me for granted. To never take lightly the relationships which have stayed true and above all to commit myself once again to be the best father i can to the two most wonderful things that have ever happened to me.

For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "they are plans of good and not of disaster, to give you a future and hope."

~ Jeremiah 29 verse 11

Memorial Day

So i'm not a big proponent of war at all. I think that young kids are often shipped off to face the distinct possibility of death after being sold the idea of patriotism and service in a disingenuous manner. I think that the real reasons behind wars are never truly revealed and often serve the financially fueled agendas of those in power. I think America has often created problems for itself by acting as the "World Police" at times when it was neither wanted or needed.

BUT...

I love America. I can think of no other country on planet earth where I'd rather be. I have benefitted from living here in ways i never could in other parts of the world. I accept that there have been times throughout the course of our history where real threats have made it necessary to participate in real wars and incredibly brave men and women have made the ultimate sacrifice to protect the way of life which we as Americans all hold dear.

So this Memorial Day as you're consuming you're 5th hot dog and wondering why you always feel "bloated", take a moment to remember those who fought for the freedom for you to hang out and eat hot dogs.

Here We Go Again

It's amazing that when i write a post like the one i did Monday in a forward thinking and almost optomistic frame of mind, how quickly it can all turn.

Yes ladies and gentlemen just when we all thought the end was near, someone moved the finish line. Once again the oafish, loafing, self absorbed hand of greed has been thrust under my nose and we're taking a trip down Extortion Avenue.

I pride myself on the fact that since i graduated from college i have done whatever i needed to do to earn a living, provide and take care of my obligations. As an adult and as a man the thought of constantly relying on others to meet my needs makes me cringe. As an adult i derive an enormous sense of gratification from getting up in the morning and working hard. As an adult i strive to rise above situations and circumstances that may appear along the way in this journey and even to better myself. Shame i'm alone in this.

Want Versus Need

I've learned  a lot in the last 12 painful months of my life. One lesson in particular has perhaps stood out above all others and for the first time in 35 years on this journey I think I'm finally beginning to get it. It's the basic concept of want versus need...

What I want...

To be rich (oh come on like you don't). To have the resources to get whatever I want, whenever I want and never have to have a second thought about it.

What I need...

Enough.

What I want...

To be wildly successful in my chosen vocation and make a name for myself that lives on long after I've checked out.

What I need...

To do my best wherever I find myself.

What I want...

For my children to be wildly successful in their own right. For them to have the resources to have whatever they want, whenever they want and to never give a second thought to it. For them to never experience pain, regret or sadness.

What I need...

To love my kids with every fiber of my being and let God take care of the rest.

What I want...

To be loved and respected by everyone in the world.

What I need...

To remember that my worth cannot be shaped or altered by a single human being on this planet. To remember that my value was set before I breathed my first breath by one far greater.

I heard a great prayer from the book of Proverbs a couple of weeks ago in church.

Proverbs 30:7-9 (New International Version)

 ⁷ "Two things I ask of you, O LORD; 
       do not refuse me before I die:

 ⁸ Keep falsehood and lies far from me; 
       give me neither poverty nor riches, 
       but give me only my daily bread.

 ⁹ Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you 
       and say, 'Who is the LORD ?' 
       Or I may become poor and steal, 
       and so dishonor the name of my God.

 Good stuff. Simple stuff. Words to live by.

Awkward

This is great. A little PG-13 in places but you'll get over it I'm sure.

Click HERE

Pretty pretty pictures

Just wanted to give props (as the "young people" say) to flickr.com an image sharing site where you can wile away hours searching and browsing through millions of people's photos.

To a visual junkie like me it's absolute heaven!

Greedy Dad?

Why does the Rich Dad Poor Dad dude need to keep working?

Just a thought.

Mum

Ok so life hasn't exactly turned out the way i had planned. The white picket fence fell over and is currently being hacked up for firewood. But one constant has stayed the same for the last 35 plus years, I have an incredible mum.

Gill Blackmore is a straight talker, a care taker, a cheerleader, a world class listener, a wiper of noses, a drier of tears, a fixer of breaks, a human dynamo, an unsung hero, a laundry fanatic, an overcomer, a fighter, a voice of reason, an enemy of injustice, a giver of hugs, a protector, a sewing machine maestro, a lover of art and culture, a thinker, a creative genius and a mother to anyone, anywhere in the world, who needs one.

I love you mum and miss you more than i could ever express in a stupid blog.

Happy Mother's Day.

Random Ramblings

OK so i haven't been on here in ages. A lot of stuff with my situation has been going on and didn't want to get on here and spout off about it, doesn't help anyone.

• Went to the mall today. Still searching for signs of the recession although it is the day before Mother's day and I'm sure everyone's out buying goodies for Mom

• Ben's baseball team scored an exciting win last night although Ben himself went hitless. Good to see that a team can still win despite their best player (slight bias) having an off night.

• Carving up the last details of what made us an "us". It's still sad, it still hurts but still necessary.

• Last week's open house was pointless. No one came. Life will be significantly easier in the grands scheme of things if this house sells by the end of July. Not very impressed by the motivation of the realtor who continues to play the "economy" card. Another open house in 3 weeks. Fingers crossed.

• Had a conversation with a friend who's at the beginning of a situation like mine right now. I understand that the law treats Dads the way it does to combat the "deadbeat" minority but what about the rest of us?

• Photos from my aunt's funeral of the extended Blackmore family together made me feel very nostalgic. Also made me feel very old seeing cousin's who've aged in the scores of years since I've seen them. I really don't see myself as having aged that much but I'm perhaps in denial. By the way 67 is way too young to go.

• Slept for 10 hours last night which is really unusual for me but obviously i needed it.

• Got an email from the one member of the "other" family who it saddened me to lose touch with, asking if i wanted to get together later this month. Looking forward to it.

• Had a really weird encounter with some former friends last weekend. People who i'd extended myself for and opened my home and wallet to on a regular basis. They couldn't even look me it the eye. I'm still surprises how people have reacted to me in this situation without ever considering that there might, just might be another side to it all. I know now how the lepers of old must have felt. (I'm doing what i said i wouldn't aren't I?)

• Spending Mother's day tomorrow with a friend and their family who are going through an incredibly rough time right now.

• Looking forward to 10 days in New York with the kids at the end of June. Dad's already bought the Mets tickets!

• I really, really miss my Mum